The envelope was left unopened for a year and a half.
When it was first delivered, it slipped under the garage door to rest on the dirty floor before my parents returned home. They gave it to me a few weeks later, whereafter I placed it in a box to move across the state. Upon moving in, I stacked the sturdy envelope on my bookshelf behind a folder of “important things,” only to box it up again a year later for my next move.
It’s been a year and a half since I received this degree - yet I’ve never taken my official document out of the envelope. I have looked at the unopened package many times since receiving it… although my feeling rested among “indifference.” Simultaneously, I recognize some individuals ecstatically anticipate the arrival of such an artifact.
Today, as I sat on the floor after another outstanding call with my client, I looked over to my bookshelf at the white envelope - still resting behind my “important” folder - and thought, “it’s time.”
My Master of Arts in Psychology.
When I finally open the envelope, my first feeling is pride. I am so proud to read “Master of Arts” on this certificate, instead of “Doctorate” - which was the path I originally pursued at CGU. The second feeling is warmth, encompassing all of my memories from Claremont Graduate University - the positive & difficult, the inspiring & powerful. I reflect on the amazing group of individuals I met during these years - friendships formed at library desks & on a living room improv stage. I remember how worried I was when I made the decision to leave my PhD program, & I feel deep compassion for the girl who, in many ways, is still scared of making the wrong choice.
& Minutes later, as I slide my degree back in this white envelope to return to its home on the shelf, I smile at the insignificance of it all.
We can put so much weight on the things of life: marriage, the social clock, degrees, our job title, the aesthetic of my apartment. And while all of these things can be important, it is exciting to remember the power I have as an individual to determine which of these are important to ME - just as you have the power to determine which are important for you.
Take a breath wherever you are. Give yourself permission to gaze at a white envelope with indifference - even if your neighbor responds differently. Trust the magic of time - & when the “right” moment arrives, embrace it. Smile at all you have been, & all you will become. It is already so beautiful.
