“I don’t have enough money.” “There’s never enough time.” “I didn’t get enough done.” “I don’t have enough experience.” “I am not enough.”
Alright, “enough.” I have some questions for you:
What do you mean? Is there a personal or external standard to reach, or quota to fulfill? Are you quantifiable? What do you feel like? What do you provide? What’s possible when I have you? … Or are you not possible to “have?”
I invite you, reader, to reflect with me on a time you experienced “enough.” Personally, I’ll return to a moment from the other day, when I budgeted my fall expenses.
In that moment, & for the first time in a long time, I felt I had “enough” money. My shoulders relaxed down my back like two previously damned waterfalls. I smiled as I realized I was experiencing a sensation I’d desired & worked toward for months. I felt proud that I persevered through less-tangible seasons of trust. I questioned if it was okay to feel how I did: “Shouldn’t I feel good even when I don’t have the numbers to back what I know to be true (that I am safe)? What about abundance?” And, in that moment, I did feel calm. & I felt trust. & I felt grateful. & I felt ease.
When I consider WHY I felt “enough” in this moment (as opposed to a similar budgeting experience months ago), it is because I had the dollars to pay for everything I needed in the upcoming three months. That said, I did not have “enough” money for the upcoming year - so why do I still feel enough? Will there be a time when a 3 month budget forecast won’t feel like enough?
What I’m wrestling with (what you’re reading in real time) is the consideration that I (& you) SELF-DEFINE “enough.” That, in & of itself, “enough” is arbitrary.
Even quantifiable evidence of “enough” such as my financial budget is self-defined. My 3 month spending is different than your 3 month spending - which is different than our friends & family 3 month spending. My “needs” within that budget are different than your needs, & my arbitrary quota of THREE months spending is different than your x month requirement for YOU to feel “enough.”
So I circle back to this “thing” (imagine me raising my hand, palm up, as if trying to grasp an imaginary bowl-like object that is “enough.”)
Enough, What are you?! Why do you matter? What are you trying to tell us? Why do we keep using you as HUGE indicators of our happiness & success & safety - without pausing to consider how WE, individually, define you?
What is enough to me?
Enough is the feeling of my heart bursting open, my soul & passion & trust expanding to the tree-lined edges of a light green field. Enough is self-love. Enough is good - it is contentment & acceptance & the ground beneath my feet that cannot be shaken no matter my external circumstance. Enough is 3 month savings because I am doing what I love & trust in the “more to come.” Enough is allowing myself to sit with dis-ease after missing my morning alarm. Enough is letting go of my fight for what “should” be to experience what is.
Reflecting back to where we began, I laugh at these statements because they feel necessarily untrue. Money cannot be “enough” or “not enough.” Likewise, time is infinite. &, my dear, YOU are infinite.
That is not to say there isn’t something to explore under our “enough” statements. “I don’t have the experience” may lead to an exploration of self-trust or embracing your extraordinary. “I didn’t get enough done” may reflect a desire to re-prioritize - or a pressure to accomplish, or desire to fulfill.
And. Our statements are necessarily deeper than “enough.” “Enough” is subjective & arbitrary - thus, “enough” is surface-level. I invite you to dig in to what YOU mean when you relate to “enough.”
I wonder: What if enough wasn’t obtainable, but inevitably is? How would shifting our perspective change our relationship to time, goals, finances, relationships, & life?
