{Video Length: 23 minutes & 35 seconds}
Transcription Below, edited slightly for clarity
Today is another Weekly Spark, & I'm so excited to have this as a recurring offer for everyone to access for free, & I really hope to provide valuable insight, every single week, that helps you on your alignment journey.
So this is the Weekly Spark at 10:30-ish every Tuesday morning, & this is delivered by me: Marin Laukka the owner of Yes& & I am your alignment coach. I guide you to experience career, relationship & lifestyle fulfillment through authentic alignment - which means aligning with what you care about, with what you are interested in, with what you value & desire, & working with your unique fears.
This is different than a cookie cutter course. This is different than coaching where I assume to have the answers (I do not). I have the skill set, I have the research base of positive psychology, & what is known to suggest to be a good life - a well life, & I help you to unveil your own answers as you figure that out for yourself.
So as a reminder, if you are at a crossroads right now. If you are feeling like you want some clarity & you want to take your next step with confidence & with authenticity then I encourage you to visit yes&bymarin.com/decide. This is a link that will helps you to download a free Decision Matrix game.
I invented this game that originally started with sticky notes on my office. & this has since turned into a very smart online game that helps you to make a decision with confidence, by addressing what you value, what you care about, your unique fears, your unique circumstance, & it's really interactive, it's really fun, it's FREE yes&bymarin.com/decide, go ahead & download that so that you can also make a decision today.
Today's Weekly Spark is about professional versus personal growth.
I'm really excited to address this topic because I have experienced it, of course, with my own coaches & my own growth journey.
& also, I experience it every single day, with my clients. In our group program this month we're talking about addressing self-doubt, & last month we worked on our ideal schedules, & especially last month our ideal schedule tended, what I found, to focus around our work schedule, but by the end of the month I think everyone in The Experience would agree that all the personal stuff that sometimes we put on the backburner, or we think is less important, became the most important thing.
We used that, we used what really ignites us & energizes us for our schedule as a way to help us design a work schedule. Secondly, the second aspect of what really energizes you & fulfills you & brings light & energy to your life on the personal end of things, & that's what's used to motivate your professional schedule. That's what we experienced last month in the group program & this month:
The theme is: Addressing Self-Doubt.
We're continuing with that flow.
We're looking at our personal doubts that sometimes show up in the professional space, but are absolutely rooted in this more personal side of things & so this is what we're talking about today & I'm going to do this via a great story - also incorporating some of my clients experiences in brief, anonymously & to share how these two things are very much intertwined is the takeaway.
But to understand, to truly understand that & not only to understand it - but how to live that & how to incorporate that into your development journey is I think essential to growing in both of these areas of your life, personally & professionally.
So, let's start with a story.
Years ago, some of you may know I was in a Ph. D program, the only Positive Psychology Ph. D program in the country. & it felt icky, it felt misaligned.
It felt like I was stuck & overwhelmed, in a place that no longer aligned with my ideal future, what I knew was my biggest potential. At one point in time (for clarity’s sake & also if you are experiencing this as well) I did think that Ph. D program was aligned with my best, biggest, most ideal future.
However, I learned during that first year of graduate school that it was not & so years ago here I was at this crossroads about whether to continue the Ph. D, or to leave the program completely, or to pursue my master's degree & leave after obtaining my master's degree.
That's the option I chose. To pursue my master's degree & leave after that, again, some of you know this story. & at that moment in time, I was so stressed, I was overwhelmed. I was burnt out, so not only overwhelmed - I was overwhelmed & burnt out, I was overwhelmed & trying to figure out how to cope with being overwhelmed. How to cope with other’s opinions as I was experiencing clarity already that I no longer wanted to be in the Ph. D program (thanks to the work with my coaches), & that I wanted to leave with my master's degree.
That felt clear, but what felt like I needed help & support to cope with or that I was feeling overwhelmed with was, “How do I do that?” while knowing & addressing & navigating everyone else's opinions that I felt like were kind of coming into my space & my decision.
A few other notes of how I was feeling; not only what I felt & what I felt at that time, but also if you resonate with this as well - I was feeling overwhelmed & therefore, wanted to figure out how to organize that overwhelm in a sense, or how to navigate my feelings, navigate my emotions, while feeling overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed wondering:
Where do I start?
What do I do first?
What do you do when you're overwhelmed with these certain doubts & fears?
When you're overwhelmed by emotion?
You control, try to control all of it. I say this compassionately, I say this jokingly, because my cognitive side - the part of me that could reflect & have some critical thinking here - would know that controlling these situations or controlling the overwhelm or organizing the overwhelm actually isn't all that helpful or the route through the overwhelm that I was experiencing at that time in my life & many other times that I've experienced overwhelm.
However, I've experienced at that point, & I see with my clients, time & time again, when we feel that overwhelmed, when we feel those combinations, there tends to be this control that takes over that we want to grip whatever is in front of us. & for me specifically as I shared, I was feeling again confident in my step, but scared about what that meant, especially in relation to what other people were telling me. & so, I was taking a step forward with confidence.
& I looked at what everyone else was saying & wondered, part of me wondered, if that was true.
Is it true that this is a really risky move?
Is it true that I'm throwing away a big opportunity?
Is it true that I'm going to fail?
If I work to start my own business is it true that I should just accept what is & just be okay with what's in front of me & just find a way to make it work?
Should I be doing that instead of this?
There is part of my brain that was still stuck or had been influenced by others. Influenced by other’s opinions on my decision at hand. & so, I ended up clutching where my control went to was to ensure & to prove that I had made the right decision. I wanted to prove that this master's degree choice rather than the Ph. D, my new career trajectory was the right call & was a successful call.
Many of my clients & myself included, are high achievers, like to achieve, you’re high achieving in terms of your schoolwork, in terms of your career in terms of, maybe even your relationships, right?
You're the best at what you are, you do it right & do it well, or you do it all in or all out, & that's how I was as well.
So I was thinking “Alright, well if I'm choosing Masters, if I'm choosing this other career path, I'm going to do it the best that anyone ever has.” Which has its light side, & its shadow side as well. & so, at that time, painting that whole picture - the feeling of overwhelm, the sense of wanting control because of that overwhelm, & being in my last semester of graduate school, I was getting questions about:
When to hire a coach
How I go about hiring coaches
What I do in hiring my own coaches ( I like to think of my coaches as serving a pretty specific purpose)
I do like to kind of mark my development journey in little sections & each new section comes with a new coach. I also think of this as like “What person can help me navigate this specific season, the best?”
I've had coaches in the past, who were more on that spiritual side when I was navigating my spirituality & religious journey. I had coaches help me navigate what major to choose in university so I was transferring & transitioning from a dance major to something else & I hired a coach specifically to help me navigate that area. When I was in a relationship that I wasn't sure if it was a right fit or not I hired a coach specifically that could help with relationships, & now at this time the story that I'm telling you, my last semester of graduate school, I hired a coach, specifically to help me navigate this career decision.
What can I do, once I leave with a Master's degree, that proves that that was the right call, that shows that that was an achievement step. That was a right decision, rather than a scary one or a wrong one, or one that would fail me in the long run. & his name is Peter.
Peter was my coach at the time & I ended up working with him for a full year, & as explained I entered that coaching relationship with this very clear direction. I was going to using today's topic, have professional development, with him. I was going to decide my career steps specifically after I graduated with my master's degree.
Ideally, I was going to have a career by the end of our six month work together, so I was going to graduate & I was going to have a career lined up already. With those last few months of graduate school, that was my idea.
This happens with my clients also all the time & this isn't to shame anyone, myself included, or of course any of my clients - this isn't to say that this is a wrong approach to anything. This is just to illuminate what's happening under the surface & what I found to be even more helpful.
& so, we enter coaching with this one idea, with this very specific idea, of what our focus is going to be through coaching or professional development.
However, real work appears, the real stuff that's on our heart, the real stuff that's on our mind, the stuff that's in our face that we can't help but face really. We can't ignore it no matter how many times we try to focus on what we think we want to be focusing on, & I'm speaking personally during that time in my life & I'm also speaking for my clients who have a specific thing in mind & then something else keeps coming into our coaching sessions.
This other thing that tends to come up (& in my experience it's been the personal development side of things) we want to push aside because we have this focus on what we want help with, what we want to focus on, what we think we need, what we want to control, because it's feeling really uncertain right now. & so, whenever anything else comes into the picture - out of fear, out of lack of trust, to be honest, a little bit of lack of trust, we want to push it aside.
However, this is when the real magic happens. When we allow the thing that's already on the forefront of our mind, that's already coming in to every coaching session, when we allow that to be the topic (because it's wanting to be the topic for whatever reason) it is the thing that's on our mind, it's the thing that's holding the most energy for us right now, when we allow that to be the topic, that's when our answer to the other thing comes through.
So, to continue my story, I hired Peter, I wanted a career by the end of my graduate journey, after I graduated my master's degree, to prove that I made the right decision. I wanted that certainty. I wanted that achievement, that success, to prove everyone (& myself) that I was being smart & this was right.
However, at the time, more insight into my life during that season of my life, I had recently ended a significant relationship, & every session with Peter, that's what kept coming in to the session; that topic kept creeping in in some way, because that was what was on my heart & because that was what was really on my mind & what I was challenged with & facing & navigating on a holistic level, & I didn't want to talk about that because I needed to figure out this career, because I needed that certainty, because I needed to figure this out.
This happens all the time. I had a client who recently had such a powerful shift, because originally she was saying “I want this in my business, I want this thing to be sure, to know if this is the right thing, to have success in this area or to something else. I need that decision to be made.”
& what kept coming up was money mindset, & it was resisted, we tried to push it away, or she tried to push it away even after some gentle encouragement to face it. & finally, at last, we found a way to incorporate that money mindset that was already on her mind so strongly into our sessions & lo & behold, once we incorporated that into our sessions so many things sort of clicking.
She said last session “Oh, this is the magic of coaching, this is the power of coaching.” & I had that very same experience once I allowed Peter & I during that season of my life to talk about my relationship, rather than figure out my career. Not only did things start happening & things start shifting & I felt better because I was able to work through & navigate & underst& what was happening in & what was on the forefront of my mind already, but also the career came into light, I understood what I wanted to do. That answer was brought naturally to me.
Same with my clients, these answers are coming up naturally, even though it's not what we're directly asking. We still have that on our mind, of course, we still have that desire to find that answer for her. & we're letting whatever is present in this present moment, be the topic & trust that that will lead us to the answer that she desires, that will lead us to the decision at hand.
Same with my journey & same with so many of my clients to flip that around & rather than starting with or wanting that personal development, leaning on the professional development & trusting the professional answers will come to light.
Another one of my clients, he’s really passionate about his business right now that he's starting his tutoring business. I'm so excited for him to get this launched very soon, actually kind of already in effect. & his personal side of life, kind of was one of the first topics that he talked about, & was kind of this pinnacle of what he thought to be his work & he thought to be his focus at first.
& what we're finding is that the more we focus on the professional development for him, the more we're able to lean into that energy, into that those questions that lie on the professional side of things, the more clarity comes with personal thing that he's working through.
The personal stuff is being answered, is being addressed, is still I would say (& I think he would say), the center point of what he really wants to focus on, & the answers & the way to experience that clarity that he's desiring personally comes through the professional development simply because the professional development is where he's most energized right now. It’s where his attention is just most naturally & organically going.
& so when we use that energy, rather than fight against it, that's when, not only do we experience everything that's happening in that area of our life, but it just transfers into all the other areas of our life. Especially the questions that are most prominently on our mind & heart.
So, I have some notes I want to make sure that I covered everything I wanted to today. The overall message here is this story that I had & to I guess tie a little bow on it.
When I was so overwhelmed, when I wanted to prove & I wanted to find the answer to my career, next step after graduate school & I was so focused on that with my life coach at the time, Peter. It wasn't possible for me to find that answer when something else was holding all of my attention.
I could trick my mind into thinking that I could put my attention on my career but every time it just kept coming up. This other avenue, this other focus of my life (same with the examples that I gave my clients) when we want an answer so bad when we want clarity about one specific part of our life so strongly but there's something else that just keeps creeping in.
It's a great indicator to focus on that & to trust that that will give the answer to this thing that is on our heart, to this other area of our life.
So, the difference between personal & professional development, that overall question that we're asking today, is that they're intertwined, is that they're one in the same. & sometimes that can feel so frustrating, but sometimes that can be the magic key, that can be the confidence booster that you can focus on whatever is most dominantly on your mind right now, & trust that that will give you the answer to this other thing that you're seeking.
To this other question that you're wanting answered, if you trust whatever is on your mind at this moment to be the thing to navigate, to be the thing to dig into, to be the thing to work with, with your coach or with a support network or in your journal in the morning, trust that that's the gateway, that's the catalyst to everything else that you're wanting to trust.
If you need support with this, especially if you're feeling that resistance that I felt & that my clients feel when that other thing comes into the picture, & we wanted to suppress it because we want this other answer first. If you need help navigating that, do it with me.
If you enjoyed this exercise and would like to integrate these types of concepts and practices in your life, Yes& has recently launched a group program called the Yes& Experience. Each month, we focus on one concept and you get exercises delivered directly to your email, and have the opportunity to join group coaching calls and dive even deeper, together.
Prices will rise soon as we are growing, so be sure to check it out now and take advantage of our Founder’s rates starting at just $19 per month.
Until then, you know where to find me on Instagram on YouTube. These videos will be happening every Tuesday now, so look forward to those and get on my mailing list so that you can receive replays, and also receive the PDFs that accompany each little mini workshop.
All right, I hope you have a wonderful day, and we will chat again soon!
