As I scrolled Instagram this morning, I noticed my feed centered around COVID-19: “Feeling anxious in quarantine?” “How to complete your home task-list!” “Cute social distancing date ideas.”
After a few minutes, I put my phone down in a huff. “I am done with this.” I felt angry & frustrated & annoyed… I was tired of reading this old, exhausting story.
I stepped away from my phone, carried my empty coffee cup to the sink, & took a deep breath. It felt ironic & perfect that I had already outlined a blog on “5 Common COVID-19 Emotions.” I laughed as I was reminded: the universe always has my back. The universe knows that if I want to truly empathize, speak to, & be a guide for anything with my clients - I must vulnerably embrace the experience, as well.
So, here we are: 5 common emotions experienced by my clients, my group coaching community, my media feed, AND myself. My intention is to offer you guidance in being with what is, & to remind you that you are not alone in your experience.
(PS. I promise I will stay in this darn sailboat with you no matter how stormy it gets.)
1. Grief & Anger
We have all lost something due to this pandemic: our autonomy, freedom, travel plans, celebrations & events… Additionally, some of us have lost our health, safety, or the life of someone we love.
In response to loss, it is normal to feel frustrated & angry. “This isn’t fair! Life was good! This was supposed to be my year! Why aren’t they doing anything to fix this!?”
As a starting point, I invite you to honor & accept everything you’re feeling. While respecting others (i.e., please do not take your anger out on anyone else), you have full permission to feel whatever you feel - even if your logistical mind threatens to compare your situation as “better than” someone suffering in a different way.
If the anger, grief, & frustration remain after your acceptance of it, it would likely benefit you to express it - & this is not always easy. One of the most challenging exercises with a coach was my own expression of anger. Mid-session, on the phone with Peter, I was invited to scream into a pillow - & WOW did I meet resistance. “But what if someone hears me? No, I think I’ll just let it pass. I’ll be fine.” I was courageous enough for one baby scream.
I think, at some point we’re taught anger is bad. Reader, I’m here to tell you it can be extraordinarily beneficial. Anger illuminates what we care about - &, regardless, it is HUMAN to feel.
So, scream into a pillow. Write a nasty letter to the COVID virus. Stomp your feet like a 5-year-old. You have permission. This energy needs to move through you. Let it.
2. Fear
In the midst of a global pandemic, it is also very normal to feel afraid. Fear is your friend. Fear is a reminder there’s something to protect yourself from right now; it is an instinct to be on alert. Fear is your safety mechanism.
That said, there is a difference between acknowledging your instinctual fear, & permitting it to take over. When fear arises, get curious about where it’s coming from, & if it is true.
Example one: “Am I safe?! Is my family safe?!” I am grateful these questions are on your mind. So, notice the fear bubble up - & then check in: IN THIS MOMENT, are you safe & is your family safe? If the answer is yes, thank your fear for reminding you to take precautions, & take a deep breath.
Example two: “AHH look at all the masks! The death toll! It’s an apocalypse!” Reader, is any of this truly relevant to you or your current situation? Our fight/flight/freeze response is incredibly useful when we’re in immediate danger. However, our brains cannot differentiate immediate danger from perceived immediate danger (e.g., your global news broadcast.) Step away from the screen, look out your window, & ask, “Am I in immediate danger?” Most likely the answer is no. Give your system a rest, lay down next to your pup, & take a breath.
3. Overwhelm & exhaustion
I’m witnessing a lot of people stress out over how to “maintain normalcy” during this abnormal time. Businesses are trying to transition from 500 office workers to 500 remote workers without losing any momentum. Entrepreneurs are creating brand new offers in one week’s time. Parents are suddenly juggling work plus homeschooling plus extra cleaning & no outside help.
I invite you to consider our overwhelm & exhaustion via metaphor: Imagine 7.8 billion people were SPRINTING away from a monster trying to eat them. Then, out of no where, a bigger, much nicer monster scoops up all 7.8 billion people & gently places them on a paradise island. The evil monster is gone, & the nice monster feels proud of her act of kindness… until she witnesses 7.8 billion people sprinting stress circles around their new island.
Reader, are you sprinting in circles on a paradise island? Are you keeping pace just because, historically speaking, it kept you alive?
I am not trying to imply this season is all fun & games; we are all adapting & experiencing completely new lifestyles. And. I witness so many of us trying to maintain a speed that is no longer (& debatably, was never) necessary.
Give yourself permission to take a break. You do not need to figure out how to adapt your workshop or where to apply for a new job this minute. You do not need to know, already, how to homeschool your kids plus manage work & order groceries online. This is all new. Give yourself space to pause, learn, & adjust.
4. Relief & gratitude
In addition to overwhelm, I have also heard many people express how relieving this time has been. For some, this period of rest, change in routine, & time with family was exactly what was needed. & although these feelings are often more “enjoyable” than the rest, they are often experienced in tandem with feelings of guilt - especially at this time.
Our minds are not excellent at holding two simultaneous, opposing views - and, it is possible. We can feel loss & grief & hurt for those who are suffering in this time, while also experiencing joy & fullness in our own homes.
Reader, it is okay to be grateful for this season. It is okay to see the silver linings. It is okay to celebrate COVID-19 as your catalyst or permission slip.
Please, if you feel love & gratitude & fullness during this time - savor it. Notice if you feel relief from your job, & consider this as the perfect experiment in what it would be like to finally leave it. Notice the fresh air that accompanies less traffic - & consider the impact you could have if you chose to bike or walk even when the bars & clubs reopen. Embrace your children’s laugher - & consider how these months may be some of the most positive experiences in their childhood.
You have permission to feel good, Reader. In other words, your forced suffering does not help someone else suffer less.
5. Uncertainty
The last emotion I wish to speak to today is uncertainty. We are all a little uncomfortable at this time, without obvious guidance nor accurate prediction for what is to come. The certain wedding has been postponed. The launch of your in-person program is suddenly in question. In fact, the only certain answer you’ve received is, “I don’t know.”
Humans love predictability. Our brains close thought circles, fill in unfinished portraits in the clouds, & scramble to problem solve. This is our strength, our tendency - & also our greatest challenge.
Rather than burn out your own mind, I invite you take a breath & acknowledge “I don’t know” as THE answer, right now. This will feel uncomfortable, & that is okay. If necessary, focus on what you do know: that you are safe in this moment, that you are called to make a mask from your old t-shirt, that you feel immense gratitude for your friends’ virtual happy hour.
The future is not certain nor guaranteed - & although this is obvious in the midst of COVID-19, I’d like the gently remind you: it never was. Maybe, this is good news.
If you’d like further support in experiencing, navigating, & being in relationship with all the emotions present in our current season, schedule your free one-on-one coaching consultation or join my weekly group coaching call Tuesdays at 6:45pm CT.
In love & full support-
Your coach,
Marin
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