The plane rumbles down the jetway, shaking hundreds of individuals & our luggage, overhead. I read a book - my preferred mode of distraction, second only to John Mayer. The individual to my right closes her eyes to sleep, the man to my left begins a movie on his phone.
“How interesting," I think, "the innumerable ways we find to distract ourself - to cope with anxiety or fear or discomfort..."
Then my own words hit me in the forehead: "Am I experiencing it?"
Frequently, I encourage the Yes& community to experience the present moment in all its complex, uncomfortable, & pleasurable glory. Yet in this moment, my honest answer is “No, I am not experiencing it.” I realize I'm avoiding my current experience, much like my flight neighbors, because my current experience is uncomfortable.
I am avoiding a feeling of fear. This flight is out of my control - & if I allow myself to tune in, even for a second, my mind races:
What if we crash?
What if a wing falls off?
What if that little hole in the window becomes a big hole and blasts oxygen-deprived air through the side of the plane?!
Clearly, my current thoughts & relevant emotions are uncomfortable. And, walking my own talk, I know how important, impactful, & life changing it is to fully experience what exists in the present moment. (And…*)
I take a deep breath, stop reading my book, & choose to lean into the discomfort. “Okay…”
I feel my heart, body, & mind slowly open to what exists under my avoidance & distraction. I welcome my fear in - my emotion, my current experience - & I embrace it.
I am afraid.
"What if I die?" Oof... The fear sits in my chest like a heavy boulder. It's an ugly dark brown, or green. I notice the fear pulls my energy, rather than add to it.
“What if all the parts on this plane fall apart and we crash?”
I continue to sit with my fear, & remain curious. Then, the interesting pattern I’ve experienced with fear before transcribes again: fear feels incredibly powerful & overwhelming until I lean into it. Once I lean into my fear, my intimidation lasts for a short minute before naturally transforming into wisdom.
This is the significance of fully experiencing my authentic life.
I watch the thoughts bubble up one by one.
“What if…?”
Although my fearful questions feel slightly daunting, my response to each is quite simple: “Well... that'd stink.”
“What if I die on this plane, without control over my destiny?” “Well, that’d be a big bummer!”
And that’s it. It’d stink. Yet, there’s nothing I can do about the situation - nor is it even a plausible outcome. So the fear dissipates relatively easily.
I thus transition to brainstorm about what I can shift:
Being out of control seems to be one of the most uncomfortable aspects of my present moment. So to relate with this strong desire, rather than suppress it, I reframe my feeling of “control” by feeling in control of my mindset. I choose to experience fear. I choose how to relate to this moment. I choose what perspective I will adopt.
Next, I consider my fear of death. What is the significance of this? It only takes a moment to discover an incredible nugget of insight: If It is death I fear, it is life I desire.
I desire my full, authentic life experience! Of course! & by inviting a full experience of my current fearful moment, I am, in this moment, experiencing my life to its fullest.
By fully leaning into my current experience, even when it was more uncomfortable than others, I re-realized one of my greatest values: I desire to LIVE. & I have the opportunity to fully experience my life right here, right now on this plane.
Furthermore, & profoundly, by fully embracing my authentic self (even [especially] in the discomfort), I not only faced my fear - but overcame it.
*Boundaries are beautiful. I could have chosen to continue reading, intentionally decided not* go into my present experience, waited until I had support, bookmarked the inquiry for a different time, or chose what depth of the emotion I wished to experience. Likewise, you have permission to do what is best for you (always).
