To end your suffering, feel your pain.
Your immediate reaction to this statement might be, “but I don’t want to feel pain.” - to which I say, “Yes, and…”
Yes - pain can feel scary, & pain can be uncomfortable. And. Pain is extremely beneficial for our survival, growth, & flourishing.
Let’s start by addressing our fear of pain. I’ve witnessed a common belief that if we invite pain (or any discomfort) into our experience, we will be in it forever. Frankly, this is impossible. Emotions are fleeting - especially when we dare to feel them in their fullest. Have you ever laughed yourself silly with a friend? It’s a wonderful feeling - one we might WISH to experience forever. But as hard as we might try, the feeling will pass - and another will come. Likewise, with uncomfortable emotions, if we invite them in - they will stay. And then, they will pass.
That said - uncomfortable emotions often feel more accessible when we create a safe space in which to feel them. & that’s what I’m here for, to hold space & support. To be with what is - fully - & remind you there is more to come. I promise.
Even if pain doesn’t last forever, however, one could dispute we still do not desire to feel pain. Again, pain is uncomfortable. Yes. True. And… I dare to dispute this. Have you ever been in a sad mood, and intentionally turned on a sad playlist? How would it feel if you lost a loved one, and didn’t feel any pain?
Sometimes pain IS the most comfortable feeling to have - to honor yourself, to honor something lost, to work out confusion. So yes, sometimes we may wish to avoid pain (sometimes, this is in our best interest) - AND sometimes, pain is an extremely beneficial experience to have.
One of pain’s benefits, in fact, lies in the very discomfort we think we want to avoid. Because pain is uncomfortable, it prompts us to shift. A simple example is our hand on a stovetop. If pain didn’t exist, we might keep our hand on the hot surface for a dangerous amount of time - doing harm to ourself in the process. Because of pain, we are triggered to let go, to move, & to learn not to place our hand near the hot stove again. In this unemotional example, we might even feel deep gratitude for our pain.
Can we parallel this exact gratitude to another example of pain? What about the pain you experience when you feel discontent at work? This prompts a shift - be it in the work itself, in your relationship to your job, in a request with your manager, or in a revelation about the reality of your dreams. Likewise, can we be grateful when we feel pain in our relationships? Can we view this pain as a useful indicator that a need isn’t met, there is potential to explore, or a necessary shift?
In all of these instances, if we didn’t experience pain in the first place, we wouldn’t have the prompt to shift out of what isn’t working for us. Pain helps & guides us to see what isn’t working, and to move toward what is.
