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Welcome to another Weekly Spark. Today we are talking about the four essentials for a successful & sustainable New Year's change. 2020 was…what it was, & some of you are looking to 2021 as an opportunity & a space to create real change & to create different change than what has come before because 2020 was such a shake up.
& so today I am here to teach you, if you are interested to create a change that not only takes place in 2021 & not only is stated on January 1 of 2021, but as sustainable throughout the year & sustainable throughout your lifetime. & that's because today we are walking through four essentials that cover the holistic view of what is necessary for an effective change for effective goal attainment & for goal attainment that matters - that you actually care about.
So, once you arrive at that goal on December 31, 2021, or as you feel that goal building over time. It's one that continues to ignite your fire, it's one that continues to resonate with you & with what matters to your values & therefore, it feels even better on the other side, rather than just checking another box.
So, just like Ajit, I wanted to share his testimonial he shared. After one coaching session with me (I cannot believe how long lasting this change was), he says to this day I can easily recall that feeling of being highly self-efficacious & not fearful of the ifs & buts of what lies ahead on my journey to achieve my goals in life, not fearful of the ifs & buts of what lies ahead on my goals, on my journey to achieve my goals.
We all know that there are going to be some ifs & buts, there are going to be some unexpected turns for us (we learned that lesson many times over in 2020) & so not only are these four essentials that I'm teaching you today helpful in creating this successful change in the sense that it covers a wide breadth of the things that you have to consider when setting goals & going after those goals, but also it adds into the mix.
What happens when our plans don't go according to plan? Because that's one thing that we can guarantee is that our plans probably are not going to go according to plan. So, here we go. The four essentials that I'm talking about & diving into today:
1. Distinguish why,
2. Be SMART,
3. Have an accountabilibuddy, &
4. Gremlin action plan.
If you apply these four essentials in setting your New Year's resolutions, your New Year's goal, your annual intention - whatever you want to call it, then you will have a sustainable model to make real change in 2021. Very exciting! Let's dive into it.
Okay, number one distinguish why, why is this goal important? This is one of the four essential components because without this, we don't have motivation, real motivation, & we're at risk for creating goals that don't matter. So, in my group coaching program, with my one on one clients, I consistently pull us back to be individual & to your own passion, desire & intention that makes sense to you & that is in alignment with your values & your desires in life - because that looks different person to person.
So, if we for instance are a business owner. I'll use myself as an example, if I were to look at someone I really idolize, I really admire as a business owner & just adopt the exact goals or the exact New Year's resolution, the exact intention that this other person is adopting, even if I admire them, even if I like where they're going in life & I don't have a why there's no foundation there for me to stand on, especially when times get challenging, but even in the celebration, right? What am I celebrating? Another box checked - & we don't want that to be the feeling, we want to have the feeling of “I'm celebrating this because this is what I have deeply, deeply longed for & desired.” & I know with confidence that this is taking me forward toward my ideal life & my most full expression of what that life looks like & what my values are enacted & implemented & prioritized in this life.
So, to get clear on this why, to get clear on why you desire to make this commitment & change, think of a few of these questions. One, what do you believe this will add to your life? So, allow this to be an open-ended question & allow yourself to come up with answers that might throw your goal off track for a moment, right?
So, maybe you're saying okay well I think this will give me happiness or contentment or success, right, & then dig a little deeper & ask yourself, is that true? Is it true that that specific goal, that specific intention, that specific New Year's resolution will give you that thing? For a moment, it may feel a little jolting because potentially it doesn't - & if that's the case, that's okay.
You're not, of course, just take the thing that you desire & create a new goal that does feel in alignment with that new year's resolution or intention or annual focus, that does feel in alignment with the why, this is why this “why” is so important, because it gets at the root of what are we actually going after.
Why do we actually want to make this change, & ensure that our thing or statement that we're pursuing actually helps us to get there? Very important, but a step that a lot of us don't take. Also consider how this experience, what your life was like before creating this change, so how will this experience impact your life, lay out what it was like before or what it's like right now, without this thing that you're pursuing, & really feel what that feels like.
So that when life gets hard, or when a twist comes on your journey, you can say okay, but I don't want to go back to whatever that other thing was. I don't want to go back to what used to be. & you've had that really tangible & savored inside of yourself, to have, again, the motivation & the idea of why this is important not only for where it's taking you, but also for where you don't want to remain.
That's not to say that were you were as bad or wrong it all has a part in our journey, but you do have this sense of I don't want to remain here in this place, in this way or for any longer & to savor that & to know what that thing is that you're moving away from also adds in the momentum & the motivation to create that change toward what you desire.
& then just to further emphasize why this is important, is to savor what you think it will feel like once you achieve it, to create it in your present reality so that it's tangible & you know what it feels like - you can taste it, so that as you're pursuing this as you're going through the day to day actions that aren't always exciting, that aren't always easy, you have the thing to grab on to & say “Yeah, but it's going to be so, so sweet once I get there.” So that is step one is to distinguish why. Again, why do I think, what do I think this will add to my life to really clarify?
Ensure that the thing that you are pursuing is getting at your main motivation & allowing yourself to shift that if needed. Asking yourself, what is your current reality? What do you no longer, want so you have that as motivation to move forward, to make a change, & then taste what's coming to create that momentum, to create that why. The challenges & showing up every single day, time after time is important to you.
Alright, moving on to number two the second essential is to be SMART. You have probably heard of SMART goals:
Specific
Measurable
Achievable
Relevant
Time bound
The five letters of the SMART, you can shift this, you don't have to follow this exactly. Some people are very resistant to the idea of smart goals, but what I want to emphasize is just to ensure that you know exactly what this change is. Similar to the why, when we really savored what we're going after, what we're going away from, the why - it matters. Right now we're really savoring & we're pulling out all the juice of what exactly this change is so that you can say “yes, I have done this or no, I have not” & not just in terms of quantifying.
Instead of saying I'm going to go to the gym, say, I will go to the YMCA two times a week for at least 15 minutes, right? Whatever it is, it's very specific & you've quantified that goal. That is very important, but also a layer deeper here is to check in with what you set the foundation for in the first essential of why, to ensure that it is actually helping you on your journey.
So, it's not just about going to the gym, two times a day at least 15 minutes, right? It's about that feeling that you want. Once you do that thing, so that I feel energized, so that I am healthier for my kids, so that I can show up in a more lively way for my business or my work or my partner. Have the definition, the clarification, the detail of the SMART goal, so that you have the check in not only of “okay, have I done this thing or not?” but also in terms of quantity, in terms of numbers, something that you could say yes or no to but also, again, is this getting at my desire? Is this getting at my why?
Have something in the SMART goal, in your detailed goal that helps you stay accountable to that as well, so that when change happens like we know it will in 2021, or we experienced in 2020, that you can say, okay, this isn't actually helping me be more energized, like this isn't actually getting at the why, & you can recognize that in week one, week two, month two, whatever it is - not at the end of this whole pursuit & you can say this isn't it. I don't think this is making the change that I wanted to make, I don't think this is having the impact I wanted this goal to have in my life, & therefore I'm going to shift it slightly.
Not abandon the goal, not abandon the intention, but shift how you're showing up for it, because the how is adaptable, the how you can change all day. It's the intention, it's the goal, it's what you're pursuing, it's the change you're desiring, it's the feeling that you're going after. That's the thing that stays as your center point, the how doesn't really matter.
So, allow that to change, & in setting a SMART goal, or rather just a detailed goal that includes accountability to your why that you set up in the first essential that will help you be adaptive without losing focus on what you're going after. All right.
Third, essential, have an accountability buddy. This is just more fun to have someone who's in your life, to keep you accountable to what you desire & have this kind of accountability buddy in whatever level that you want to have this accountability at.
So, this could just be a person that goes to the gym with you every day. Gym is a very common one, but let's say that journals with you every morning, right, or that meditates with you once a week, so you have someone that is in this with you, & they don't necessarily have to know your why, they don't necessarily have to know your actual goal or you know that deep desire, that longing desire within you, however that's also another layer that you could add.
If you feel comfortable & if you feel like you're in this space to have an accountability buddy at that level, because then not only are you staying accountable & keeping each other accountable to the action, but also, again to the why, to have another check in to say:
“Is this actually helping me to pursue what I want?”
An example, for instance, if I had a goal to be more present with my family throughout the year & I created a really detailed SMART goal to spend a certain amount of time with them so that I connect with them more. I might be a little bit blind, that maybe that very strict rigid structure isn't actually fostering connection & potentially that might be a blind spot that I don't see, that I'm not connecting, I'm not actually achieving my goal - I just think okay, yes, I'm checking the boxes & doing the thing.
Sometimes we can get lost in that & so having an accountability buddy that not only shows up with you to play games with your family, right, not only does the action but also can say, “Hey man, I think that this goal isn't necessarily doing the thing that you said that it was going to do.” Can we check in & see if this is actually happening for you?
This layer of accountability is what happens inside my group coaching program because we are connecting at a deep layer rather than just showing up & saying to do the practice this week, but we're showing up & questioning each other in a supportive way to say “Okay, yes, but what about what you said last week? Or, I think there might be a blind spot there” & to help guide us through our junk that sometimes gets in the way & help us achieve what we truly desire, what we're actually going after, rather than just again, checking the boxes. All right.
Number four, gremlin action plan. So, gremlins - I learned this phrase from Kobe Kozlowski my first life coach, mentor & Gremlin Action Plan was also introduced when I went through my life coach certification. Gremlins are the voices in our minds. The thoughts, the beliefs, the stories that hinder us from our goals for whatever reason - this doesn't mean that they're bad or wrong, this doesn't mean that we don't have to listen to them at all.
In fact, I like to assume that they're well intentioned, these voices of fear & doubt are well intentioned, they're just trying to keep us safe. They're just trying to keep order, they don't want to rock the boat. However, if you are making change the boat is going to rock, if you are making change in 2021 life is going to look different than 2020. Life is going to look different than it ever has before, & these gremlins are probably going to get fired up.
So, right away when you're setting your New Year's intention, your annual goal, your resolution, think about it proactively. Consider what are your Gremlins that will probably get fired up, that will probably get triggered when you're making these changes & right away, build a relationship with them.
So, say okay, I know that when I start going toward this bigger financial goal, the gremlin of guilt or of not being worthy enough to make this amount of money is going to get fired up. I can already anticipate that because I've seen it in my past, or because I've done some work in this area already & I just know that it's probably going to be there. If you can already anticipate that then set yourself up for building a relationship, or having a plan beforehand so that when that happens, it's not jolting. When that happens, it doesn't derail everything that you've been working toward.
Rather, you can say, “Oh, there you are. I knew you'd come, I have a spot at the table for you. Let's chat, I'm driving the bus. This is what's going on, I knew you would come & here's what's going on, here's how I'm going to keep you feeling safe & secure because I know that's what your desire is anyway, & we're still going to pursue this goal that I have because this is a non-negotiable.”
This may look like putting tennis shoes by your door so that you get outside, so that walk every day, right? If your Gremlin will come up & say oh it's too hard, I don't have time to do that, make all of that as easy as possible. You've probably heard this in a lot of habit building methods & books & formats.
So, that's one way of Gremlin action planning. It's also having that relationship, it's also getting to know & being self-aware, to know what's going to come up & not only building that relationship, having this plan, but also normalizing it so that when it comes up, it's not jolting & it's not a sign. It doesn't create a disguise that something is wrong when actually nothing is wrong. Something might come up, a fear might come up, you might actually feel really scared, so anticipate your roadblocks & build a plan to get there.
Those are the four essentials, four essentials to creating a sustainable & successful New Year's change, whether that's a resolution, a goal & intention for 2021. Create a system, create a reflection, create at least a little bit of space for each of these four things in your life when you're setting this & then that you can reverse revisit throughout the year. Distinguish why. Be smart, have an accountability buddy, & Gremlin action plan.
If you're wanting more. If you're wanting that accountability buddy, if you're wanting this in even more of a step by step process where I'm holding space, not to give you the answers, but to give you the questions for you to hear your own answers. That is what the Yes& Experience is all about, my group membership program takes different alignment challenges every single month & I walk you through a step by step process to get curious, to get intentional about these different areas in your life, & to take action. To align these areas of your life with greater authenticity, with greater alignment with your desires your values, your unique fears & gremlins & your unique circumstances & it's in this incredible space that is so supportive, that is so constructive & that really challenges each other in the most beneficial way. Visit yesandbymarin.com/experience to check it out.
