Video Length: 26 minutes & 11 seconds
Transcription below, edited slightly for clarity
Welcome to your Weekly Spark.
Today we're talking about how to prioritize yourself when you have no time.
Today is a self-care day, go out & vote -- it is Election Day. Obviously, everyone I think is aware of this at this point. Definitely some high tensions, a lot of feelings, more than ever on days like today, take care of yourself. So that's why I decided to talk about this idea of prioritization.
Specifically prioritizing yourself, especially when you feel like you have no time. So, 2020, I don't have to be the one to say it has been a year where everything is turned on its head. Time management, therefore has been turned on its head. Maybe you're homeschooling, you're balancing the intermingling of work & life more than ever. Maybe you're balancing infinite zoom calls.
I know at the beginning there were so many personal zoom calls -- friend groups were getting together that haven't talked in that way in a really long time. So how do we manage work + personal life + social life that's all virtual now + managing being with our partners or our family at home, when typically, we had a little bit more space from each other? Your own health? How do you keep yourself healthy, especially when you don't have as easy access to something like a gym where you had already built a routine.
All of this was flipped on its head in 2020. & even before 2020, but especially now, there's been this question of:
How do we prioritize ourselves in the midst of all of this?
How do we take our own needs & make sure that they are being met above everything else?
Of course, other things are important. & our cup has to be full before we share it with others. So, today I'm going to share how no matter what, no matter how busy you think you are, no matter how little time you think you have, it is possible to live a balanced lifestyle, & to put your needs first & take care of yourself.
In the midst of all of this, when considering three important elements: mindset, systems & circumstantial change. I will share seven immediate things you can implement in relation to mindset systems & circumstantial change today, after this mini workshop.
The outcome of this is being able to live the life that you've always imagined. So, myself, for instance, I'm writing a book, I'm running a membership, I have my one-on-one clients, I'm creating content for Yes&, I have an amazing partner, I have a dog that I take to the dog park & spend hours training & working with & playing with each day, family vacation, I just went to Montana for a full week & took that time off managing a team prepping & delivering speaking events (like the one on Thursday) -- all of this is happening.
Yet I still find at least an hour a day to move my body, I still am cooking home cooked meals, I still am finding time to be outside every single day & nourishing myself & meditating & listening to audiobooks & all of this. So, I very much feel like I have struck my own balance & your balance is going to look different. The point is, it's possible.
It is possible to prioritize yourself, no matter what is on your plate.
Alright, so let's start right off the bat with mindset. & like I said, I'll be sharing seven takeaways in these three categories, mindset, systems & circumstantial change. So, we're starting with mindset. One thing you can immediately implement. Maybe a little caveat on immediate implementation I'll share in a second is a morning routine. Why I say a caveat is because it took me a really long time to set up my own morning routine.
So, if that's the case for you, don't worry, I will share some tips in a second on how to make that happen. But the reason this is important for prioritizing yourself is because this is what sets the rest of your day. & so, if you prioritize yourself first thing in the morning, if you are the first thing that you take care of -- that has an impact on the rest of your day, that sets the tone for the rest of your day.
Start your day right, start your day with you. Fill up your cup, & a few tips on if that feels daunting. Take small steps, bite-sized things. Maybe it's like putting lotion on your hands in the morning right when you get out of bed. Maybe it's starting a skincare routine. Maybe it's going on a walk, maybe it's taking one deep breath. A morning routine does not have to be this hour, two hour long endeavor. It can be, certainly, if you want it to be & mine takes about 30-45 minutes.
So, to share what I do, if you're interested, I get up & I make a smoothie. & then I journal while Auto (my dog who I've trained to be calm during that time) because then we take him to the dog park. But it used to be that I was so anxious about getting him outside & getting him to the dog park right away. This is the case whether you have kids, whether you have a dog, whether you have partner with you, or work, these things can come into our minds as being the first thing we have to do that day.
But once we do that, if that's our first instinct in the morning, & we enact that instinct, then what is the rest of the day going to be, right? That sets the tone. So instead, I challenged myself & I'm now in very much the routine of doing so. I make myself my smoothie. I journal out my mindset work right away in the morning, & it has been a huge game changer. Another quick tip, if you're struggling with morning routine, add an element of external motivation. & I'll share more about that when we get to the circumstantial change category.
But keep that in mind that if it feels really hard, there may be a way to bypass the difficulty by adding this external motivator as well. Internal motivation is good too, but I imagine that you already have that if you want to implement a morning routine. All right, I'm sorry, one more piece about the mindset. Not sorry. But we're going on a little bit of a tangent here with the morning routine. & that is that in the morning, what I also implement & a great way, especially when it comes to prioritization, & to implement that into your morning routine is to set one thing for your day.
So, all of us have more than one thing that we do each day, whether it's personal or business. However, if there were one thing, just one thing that you did today, what would it be? The most important thing, & sometimes this is really big, like I don't know, maybe it's a full day workshop, right? Like, I want to show up fully for my clients for this full day workshop, or it feels big, but it could also be something really tiny.
For instance, I want to make sure I reply to that one email today, like that is the thing, or I want to make sure that I get outside for a minute today. That is the one thing. So that's been something that's been really helpful in terms of prioritization & links directly with self-care, because you're asking yourself: What is most important for you? & choosing that one thing right away in the morning, that feeds also into the rest of your day?
Because it allows you to make decisions easier?
Because you've already made the decision, in a sense, right?
If you're ever at a crossroads, & you're saying, do I do this? Or do I do this?
Where do I focus my attention, or you notice that you're feeling scattered? Come back to that one thing. & if you've set the one thing, then you have the one thing to come back to?
Now moving on to the second strategy for this mindset category, which is your belief systems around time. So how do you how do you prioritize yourself, if you have no time? It started on the second half of that phrase, you have to believe that you have enough time for yourself. & this, this takes time, ironically, to shift if you're already in a headspace of “I don't have enough time”.
One mantra that's been really helpful for me that I offer to my clients as well is there is always enough time. & if that doesn't feel believable for you, you could try it on, try it on & just see what happens. Have an evidence log where you're looking for reasons, you're intentionally looking to prove that as if it were true, just to put yourself in the experiment, right?
Chances are, if you think there's never enough time, you've never really looked for the evidence to suggest there is enough time. That's how our brains work. & if it's not believable, there's always enough time. I'm all for taking baby steps, & trying on a belief, adopting a belief that does feel believable, that feels a little bit like a stretch, but that you can believe so that you already start to grow in this area, in this mindset.
So, if you can't believe, if it feels too far off to say there's always enough time, maybe say there's often enough time, or maybe to say “I have enough time to reply to my one email” or “I have enough time to do this one thing, right”?
So, start in bite sized chunks, something that you can believe -- but the point is to change your belief about time. There's something in psychology called the self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm talking about this in the Yes& Experience this month when we're talking about financial mindset & the self-fulfilling prophecy is that what you believe about yourself becomes your reality. It is studied through psychology.
A good example, one that was the most shocking for me when I first learned about this, was if students are told that they are gifted students before taking a test, they will perform better than had they been told nothing. Or, of course, then had they been told they are not gifted student.
Women, for instance, are often not encouraged, it's starting to change, which is good. But historically haven't been the stereotypical demographic to enter stem. So, science, math, & before science & math tests, if women already have this subconscious belief that has been put on them by society, they aren't going to perform as well as men, simply because they have the self-fulfilling prophecy of “I'm not good at math.”
If you believe you're not good at math, same thing, you will perform worse on tests. Because you're not good at math, your behaviors will change accordingly as well. How you study in addition to the test, how you prepare for that test, so this goes for time as well. If you believe you never have enough time, or you're bad at task management, or you can't prioritize yourself, or you never prioritize yourself, you put everyone else first, that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy & you create that reality. So, you believe it, you look for reasons why it's true -- cognitive dissonance & other psych phenomena.
You create it, you actively create that subconsciously & consciously because it's your belief system. So, if you want more time for yourself, if you want to prioritize yourself, start by believing that it's possible. & start by changing your beliefs about time & how much time you have.
Moving on to the second category: systems for how to prioritize yourself. Even if you think you have no time, especially if you feel like you have no time. Two more immediate things you could implement into your life today with regard to systems.
The first is to automate, reduce your decision fatigue, & automate what you can in your life. A few of my favorite examples are Acuity or any scheduling system. So, whenever I schedule, whether it's a phone call with a friend, even with my parents, sometimes I've been known to do this. But especially with my clients, & with anyone that I'm collaborating with networking with, I have a scheduling service. I send them a link, & then they find a time that works with their calendar. I have different calendar invites based on length of time, or Zoom versus phone versus in person, rarely in person these days. But it makes it so simple & then it's automatically in my calendar, & I have my calendars sync so that it automatically doesn't overbooked me with things, I know what availability I set for them as well.
I have this ease of mind that if I'm networking, if I'm trying to schedule something that's taken care of automatically, same with my coaching consults. So, on my website, if you're interested in six months of one-on-one coaching, you have access to 45 minutes of free time with me for us to chat about whether that's something that you might want to do. & that's automatic, that link is automatically on my calendar so appointments just pop up in my calendar for when someone books a consult with me. Easy & reduces decision fatigue, for sure, because it's just set. & then someone else has the autonomy to choose when it works for them. & it's automatic, it's automated.
The second automated thing that I do that I love & highly recommend for everyone is automated calendar tasks. So, this doesn't necessarily have to be on Google calendar or online. I have some clients & some members in the Yes& Experience because we did scheduling in August, that automate via their paper calendars. So, they have sticky notes, or they have color coordinated, where certain chunks of the day are automatically scheduled to do a task that you know you have to do or to reserve that time. I spoke about that in brief when I was talking about scheduling.
I know that my client time blocks are, you know, midday, & then later in the late afternoon, evening. So those are when I can know that clients will be booking times in my calendar & those are blocked off. I don't schedule myself for other business tasks during that time, because I already know I've set that availability & it's automated. Same if I know that I do something every week.
This for instance, every single Tuesday, 10:30am CST, I'm popping live on IGTV Live & on Facebook & uploading to YouTube. So, I reserve 45 minutes in my calendar at 10:30am every Tuesday & it's a recurring event. Automated, I don't have to reschedule that every single week & what that allows me to do is to also automate when I'm prioritizing myself, so I know what things are set.
Another thing I automate for instance, I can automate my movement schedule. So, when am I physically moving my body every day at 3:15pm & that is a recurring automated event in my calendar. I don't have to think about it. I don't have to make a decision & it is me prioritizing me without even having to think about it because it's automated in my calendar. Of course, there's the little caveat or asterix where you then have to follow your calendar -- follow through with the promises that you set your set up for yourself, but at least they're there & blocked off for you.
The second system tip of two, for how to prioritize yourself when you have no time is to set boundaries. A few systems of how I set boundaries. One is my CRM, I use less annoying CRM, there are many out there, this is how I track follow up. This is how I track my emails. This is how I track my clients, I have a CRM because I can link a task to a specific person to a specific date. So, if I receive an email at Saturday night, when I've just finished working, & I opened it, this is one of my pet peeves, & I maybe forget to make it unread again, or whatever the case is, but I don't want to reply to it in that moment, because I'm done working Saturday night. Then I set in my CRM really quick “reply to this email linked to a person linked it to a date”.
Same with follow up, if I want to follow up with someone in January, I can right now, today, put it in my CRM “follow up with this person on this date in January” & then I don't have to think about it ever again. What does this have to do with prioritizing yourself? It means that I have the bandwidth & I have the space to say “No, this isn't a good time for me to reply, or yes, this is a good time for me to reply” or this other time is when I am going to reply between now & then I don't have to think about it.
I can think about other things such as other elements of my business, other clients, other immediate tasks & myself taking care of myself. Another two components, similar idea for setting boundaries through a system is Boomerang, or a similar service, which you can send emails & actually write them up & send them but schedule them out. So that if for instance, I'm deciding to work on a Sunday or after work hours, & I don't want someone to receive this email until another day or another hour or months out from now, I can still do it in the time that feels good for me, & then automate it, & schedule it to send out later. So it's already done, off my mind. I don't have to think about it. & it's already done though, & taken care of & I know what's going to happen. So Boomerang is that email system.
The last one for setting boundaries through a system is notifications. I watched the Social Dilemma recently, maybe you've seen it on Netflix, shook me a little bit. & I know there are some mixed reviews, I was just talking to a friend who said I think it was a little fear based & so up to you whether you watch it or not. The point is, everyone knows our phones & our computers & our notifications are through the roof these days & we have to be really intentional about setting a boundary so that it doesn't intrude into our life, when we don't choose for it to intrude.
Let me reframe that a little bit. You don't have to, but if you aren't intentional about setting that boundary, these notifications are going to intrude into your life & into every minute of your day. So, what I do is I have automated on my phone -- notifications are turned off between I think 8pm & 9am. Between that time I don't receive phone notifications ever, doesn't make a sound, because I need to sleep & I need to like de-stress & not look at my phone. I only have the little badge app icon for emails for text messages for all of that so that it's not dinging & interrupting my train of thought & interrupting whatever I'm doing it in that moment.
Again, this is about setting boundaries & because I have a recurring calendar event, to check my emails, I know that I'm going to reply to those emails. But I have a dedicated time, a boundary to reply to those emails rather than them interfering with how I intend my day to flow. So, those are three very specific things that you can implement related to setting boundaries, specifically related to systems so that you can prioritize yourself. CRM, Boomerang & notifications.
All right, let's do a little summary real quick before moving on to the final element of how you can prioritize yourself even if you feel like you have no time.
We started with mindset -- two things in mindset, set a morning routine & then work on your time beliefs. Systems -- two things: automate what you can, scheduling & calendar are the two things that I provided. & then systems or boundaries: CRM, Boomerang & notifications.
For the last big thing that you can do today, is circumstantial change. I mentioned this earlier when I was talking about morning routine & it took me a long time to create a morning routine. I mentioned sometimes an external motivator can be really helpful when it comes to creating a morning routine or implementing any personal care strategy. So, the story goes, I tried to implement a morning routine forever. I tried journaling. I tried sipping coffee, I tried reading a book, doing like a meditation, all these different things that I thought were would be good for me & they were & sometimes I got into a flow.
I went for like a few weeks when it would work, but then they always fell out. & I was really self-critical of myself, rather than having self-compassion, which actually works better for goal attainment. But I was very self-critical of myself until I got a dog. Dogs are very much in a schedule, they're in a routine. A lot of you, if you are a dog owner, experienced this with the time change this weekend. Auto was looking at me at 4pm thinking it was 5pm saying “Where's my dinner?” They are very much into routine.
This external motivator, forced me (for lack of a better term), to set this morning routine. I had to journal within a 30-minute window. otherwise, Auto was going to wreck my carpet before the dog park. I had something else that was holding me accountable to my morning routine. So, this doesn't have to be getting a dog or having a baby or having a traditional job where you have to show up for work at a specific time. This can be any external thing, maybe it's a phone notification, maybe it's an accountability partner, just a friend that you text in the morning to say “Hey, I did it.” Maybe it's a coach that you text to say “Hey, I did my morning routine that I'm starting.”
Maybe it's a sticky note, something external that reminds you to do what you set to do for yourself, how you set to take care of yourself & prioritize yourself. I share that because it took me a long time to set a morning routine. & it took me a long time to prioritize myself in that way. I was critical on myself for a time & it was so easy once I adopted a dog. Not to say everybody has to adopt a dog. But it goes to show that sometimes, no matter how much mindset work we do, no matter how much we intend to do something, it's helpful to have something external.
So, add that into your arsenal of tools for how you can also prioritize yourself is have some external thing to help you prioritize yourself. Another tip from one of my aunts who was talking with me last week during our session, she shared that she was exploring this idea that not all time is created equal.
A good example that came to mind when I was hearing that is the time that I was working a part-time job, but my energy was so drained, working that part time job. & not all time is created equal is this concept that some tasks are energy giving. We gain energy from them, & some of them are draining. & to look at your day & to prioritize yourself by intentionally focusing your day on when to do certain tasks, knowing that some of them are going to drain your energy, some of them are going to give you energy.
Furthermore, if some of them are draining your energy enough, prioritize yourself by eliminating that external thing if you can. So, circumstantial change -- that part-time job that completely drained my energy. I quit that job after a short time because I realized how much it was impacting me & I really was able to prioritize myself but not to the extent that was healthy or sustainable for me.
Notice when there are elements in your circumstance that you can change, & that you might want to change if they are inhibiting your ability to prioritize yourself. There was a lot of information, I gave us seven things that you can immediately implement into your life based on mindset, based on systems, based on circumstantial change & it was a lot.
If you want to explore this further, I have a time management workshop this Thursday, that's November 5, at 11am. You can register for free! It's in partnership with Score, which is an amazing organization for business owners. Even if you're not a business, even if you're not a business owner, what I'm presenting & the tools that I'm presenting in that workshop are absolutely applicable for you.
I share my goal inventory & my time inventory. There are two ways that I focus my week that I start & end each week, & that I incorporate within those systems, prioritizing myself. You are your world, without you, you can't work. Without you, you can't have relationships. So, we need to start prioritizing ourselves even more, again, going back all the way to the beginning of this workshop, this mini workshop, this Weekly Spark, especially on days like today & then weeks like this week where external things are happening.
Our worlds are changing, emotions are high, & how are you going to take care of yourself proactively & within moments like this. That's what we're covering in my workshop on Thursday is the goal inventory, the time inventory that takes that into account & creates a weekly routine.
If you're interested, there's a link in my Instagram bio if you're watching on Instagram, if you're watching else elsewhere, check out Instagram. Yesandbymarin, all one word or head on to my website, yesandbymarin.com, you will find information about that time management workshop.
Join me on Thursday if you want to learn more. Otherwise, take just one bite sized thing from today, whatever of the seven resonated with you or whatever of the little buckets resonated with you: mindset, systems or circumstantial change & implement one thing into your day to day, I challenge you to do it today.
No better time like the present, & especially on Election Day. Go out & vote if you haven't already & next week, we'll be back with another Weekly Spark at 10:30am Central Time every Tuesday morning. & this month in the Yes& Experience, we're talking about financial alignment. So, we're already in the flow of that next month. In December, we're talking about how to set boundaries without the guilt. Very applicable to prioritizing yourself. If you want to learn more about the Yes& Experience, that's my group program, yesandbymarin.com/experience. Otherwise, I'll see you next Tuesday & maybe some of you see you on Thursday for the time management workshop! Have a wonderful rest of your Tuesday. Go vote. Talk to you soon.
If you enjoyed this exercise and would like to integrate these types of concepts and practices in your life, Yes& has recently launched a group program called the Yes& Experience. Each month, we focus on one concept and you get exercises delivered directly to your email, and have the opportunity to join group coaching calls and dive even deeper, together.
Prices will rise soon as we are growing, so be sure to check it out now and take advantage of our Founder’s rates starting at just $19 per month.
Until then, you know where to find me on Instagram on YouTube. These videos will be happening every Tuesday now, so look forward to those and get on my mailing list so that you can receive replays, and also receive the PDFs that accompany each little mini workshop.
