Video length: 15 minutes & 19 seconds
Transcription below, edited slightly for clarity
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With so much to keep track of these days, we don't need one more thing to add to the list. That's why today, I'm going to simplify, as Yes& does, happiness & well-being. One of the things that is really important to keep track of & we don't want it to be an overwhelming.
I'm going to share six ways, the six things to focus on & you can choose one to implement today to increase your happiness & well-being.
This is based on Positive Psychology & I’m pulling this information from Carol Ryff’s Psychological Well-being Scale. For those who don't know me, I studied Positive Psychology in grad school, & this is one of the measures that we often use in studies to measure happiness & well-being. & so, we're going to be walking through these six steps. By the end of today you will know what six things to focus on & I will highly encourage you to choose one of them that doesn't feel overwhelming & that especially in this busy season holiday season (hence the holiday sweater) you feel equipped & you feel encouraged & motivated to actually focus on something -- rather than overwhelmed & paralyzed by the thought of adding one more thing to your list.
It's just like one of my clients who came to me & felt like she had to do all the things & for her it was specifically in her business. She felt like she had to play all the roles in her business, but in focusing on what she actually wanted, the outcome she actually wanted from the beginning of opening her music school business, we were able to hone that in, find the one thing that really meant the most to her, & in turn, increase her health, happiness & well-being, not only for herself but that ripple effect out to her son & to everyone around her & including their staff or family or friends. & of course, herself.
So, in focusing in on & finding one thing that stands out to you out of the six today, going for it, you will see that improvement, & it will be a sustainable growth model so that you can then return & pick another thing, & slowly but surely, increase your happiness & well-being in all six areas. So, let's dive in & actually before diving in -- I'm going to say at some point today, a magic keyword.
If you comment this magic keyword wherever you are tuning in, Facebook, Instagram Live, or the repost on YouTube & then the blog on my website, this video appears in multiple places, wherever you watch it if you comment the magic keyword that I will say in the middle of today's video you will be entered to win $50. This is in celebration of my birthday month; my birthday is tomorrow! This is also in celebration of holidays & just giving, giving & generously expanding. Especially when 2020 has been the year that it has been so keep your ears open for the magic keyword.
Let's start with these, these six items, what six things to focus on to increase your happiness & well-being. First, I'm gonna lay them all out. Then I'm going to dive into each of them one by one.
The six things:
autonomy
environmental mastery
personal growth
positive relations with others
purpose in life
self-acceptance
So, what do these things mean?
Some of them are obvious, some may not be as obvious.
Autonomy is your confidence in your own opinions & your own decisions, even in the face of other’s opinions & potentially really strong opinions. So, your ability to judge yourself to act & judge yourself in your decisions, not in like that negative connotation of judgment, but to judge your decisions - judge yourself, judge how you want to spend your life based on your values, your beliefs & what you think is right. Not what others think is right.
How I coach my clients & group members in The Experience is we look at others opinions & advice & programs & knowledge bases as great data points to consider. & we ultimately bring it all back to ourselves & then make an informed decision that makes sense & is in alignment with us. So, that is autonomy, it's not ignoring everyone else's opinion, it's not discounting research base, which can be really informative. Like today to say “What does the research suggest that happiness & well-being contains?” & so, the research base -- all of this is really informative to bring into account, & at the end of the day, are you solely relying on that? Or are you bringing it back to you & then making a decision that's in alignment with your beliefs & your values? That is autonomy.
The second component, environmental mastery. This one doesn't may not make as much sense in lay terms. What it means is that you feel in control & empowered in your circumstance. & so, you're good at managing your responsibilities, you feel like things are in check, you feel that sense of control & sometimes my clients don't love that word control because it can feel grippy or it has different definitions of it. That may not feel as well & happy, & what environmental mastery is, is just this sense of “I don't feel like I'm being pushed around like I'm in the middle of a river current”, or again kind of going back to that autonomy piece that someone's opinion will sway me all the way to this other place that I didn't intend to be.
You don't feel like you're lost right you feel like: Okay, I know what I want to do. I am in control of my task list or your calendar system your sticky note system whatever you use, & you feel confident in that. That's environmental mastery.
Personal growth; this is one of the six elements of happiness & well-being. This desire that is a natural desire for all of us, & maybe more so if you've fostered this in yourself to grow, not because you're inadequate as you are, but simply because you enjoy the process of learning & growth & discovery.
You're open to situations that challenge you to expand your perspective. In fact, you may seek them out because you want your mind to be extended, because you want to see other possibilities, because even if your life seems really great right now, you're curious to learn how other people are living really great lives, or how could it be even better. Or, how can I foster this strength, that is already a strength of mine & make it even greater, even stronger, even more confident, utilize it in a different way, in a different realm than I have before.
That's what personal growth is all about & again emphasis on the fact that it doesn't mean that right now we're not beautiful & perfect & amazing. It's not to get down on ourselves, but rather to say there's always potential to learn & grow. Can I be excited in that space of knowing that personal growth is a continual lifelong adventure?
*Here's the magic keyword. If you want to enter to win $50, comment wherever you're watching a mountain emoji. & if you can't find the emoji. The same mountain. This is the magic keyword. & if you comment it, you're entered to win $50. No catch, I'll send it out to you in the mail.*
All right, the next of six. We have three more remaining, ways to increase things, to focus on, to increase your happiness & well-being, as positive relation with others. & so, think about your relationship with other individuals. We talked about autonomy as one of the six & being confident in your own decisions & being able to use yourself as the North Star & your compass. That doesn't mean, again, that we ignore or we don't want to relate with anyone ever. Of course, we are social beings, we like to relate with others, that is what humans do really, really well.
& so, think about how you relate with others & what that experience is like. Do you find maintaining these close relationships as a priority for you & as relatively easy? That's in the actual questionnaire that Carol Ryff uses. They're easy, it's easy to maintain relationships, & I push a little bit against that. Just to offer the perspective that it may not always feel easy to maintain a relationship, but does it feel like you can manage that, right? Even when the challenges come up.
You can navigate & get through & grow, maybe use that strength, use that focus of personal growth in those challenging circumstances to still have a close, good, intimate relationship. Not with everyone, but with a select number of people. Another point here in positive relationships with others is that you share your time with others, & you experience these warm & trusting relationships again.
Not to pressure any of us, especially in COVID, a lot of my clients are experiencing that a lot of close relationships may not be available for us right now to foster them & it's really challenged us to say, “What are my essential relationships?” What is my quarantine circle that I'm going to interact with? & to see if you have one or two or five, whatever it is, close relationships that those really feel warm & supported, & then overall just feeling like interacting with other people is going good compared to maybe these negative feelings or really not being able to connect with others.
The fifth element is purpose in life. This one is a big hitter. So, you feel like you have a direction, you have something that you're pursuing, & you think about the future, you think about what else you can do moving forward. Again, not to slip down that slippery slope of not being contented in this moment, but rather it means that as I'm contented, happy & satisfied in this moment, I also continue to pursue something as I look to the future. This is a heavy hitter as I shared & some of my clients really struggle with this concept of purpose. What is my purpose? It can feel like a heavy question, & I encourage you to be compassionate as you address this, of this aspect of the six areas of happiness & well-being.
Can we broaden the term? If you're finding you're struggling with this one. Can we broaden the term purpose to say direction or something that feels like you're working toward rather than wandering aimlessly, there's something that that keeps you at least a little bit focused. This doesn't have to be this tunnel vision focus but it keeps you looking in a direction moving forward looking to the future, building & growing.
& this purpose, for some time, maybe to find your purpose or the purpose, may be to say “I want to help others” & that may seem really vague & when someone else asks you your purpose, maybe that's not the answer they were expecting. That can still be your purpose, my purpose was to help others for a long time, my central purpose was love, & I didn't fully understand or know what that meant but it came to me as the thing to focus on. & so, I just continued forward.
How can I show up with more love?
How can I pursue greater love?
Receiving, giving, sharing, witnessing love?
& so, broaden the idea of purpose. It doesn't have to be like this business model or this specific thing is my purpose. But just to have something that you're looking forward to, something that you're working toward rather than again, wandering aimlessly. & if you're in a season of wandering aimlessly, that's okay too. This is just one of the six, one of the six.
& this is the final -- self-acceptance. For the most part you like your personality, you may see your shadow sides, you may see times when you didn't react or respond as ideally as you wanted to in certain situations. & for the most part, you like your personality. & when you look at the story of your life you're pretty pleased with how things have turned out. So, notice the soft language here & this is again taken from Carol Ryff’s questionnaire, which has been studied & put through a process to ensure that this is capturing this idea of self-acceptance.
Self-acceptance is compassionate & it is not seeking perfection. I think that's something that sometimes can get us tripped up, especially me & my clients & the individuals who are drawn to Yes&; this high achieving personality. We sometimes put this connotation on accepting ourselves. We can only accept ourselves once, or we accept ourselves, if this.
Self-acceptance in this definition & in the realm of happiness & well-being is to say, I accept myself. Because for the most part, life is good. For the most part, I appreciate my personality. & that can be good enough & let good enough be good enough & foster that self-acceptance, right where you're at. Well, knowing that you're going to continue accepting yourself moving forward as you grow & pursue that purpose & these big dreams in the future.
So there are the six, again, to recap:
we have autonomy,
we have environmental mastery,
we have personal growth,
positive relations with others,
purpose in life &
self-acceptance.
If you like these six elements, if you like the idea of simplifying something that can sometimes feel broad such as happiness & well-being in a step by step formula, you want to not only learn about these things but apply it into your life I highly encourage you to check out the Yes& Experience. It's my group coaching program.
Every month we focus on a different aspect of alignment; happiness & well-being absolutely falls into that. & I break things down really simply, so for instance if I were to take happiness & well-being as the challenge focus, the month focus. Let's focus on our happiness & well-being for the month of February, then each week I would choose one to focus in on & make it really simple.
Just one practice a week, because as I started this video & as I like to do for every Weekly Spark & every workshop that I host & every client that I'm working with is simplify, so that it doesn't feel overwhelming & so that we can bring in this self-compassion & this concept of sustainable self-growth, sustainable personal growth, because this is a lifelong thing so we needn't try to do everything all in one sitting & oftentimes that's not when sustainable change happens.
It's when we do bite sized steps, bite sized pieces, one step at a time, & maintain it throughout our whole lives & look forward to maintaining it throughout our whole life so that means having fun in the process.
You can check that out again at yesandbymarin.com/experience & comment the keyword, remember to win your $50. Until next time, next Tuesday at 10:30am Central time we look forward to sharing more alignment. Until next time, I look forward to sharing more alignment tips. This is Marin Laukka signing off. Have a wonderful Tuesday.
