Video Length: 24 minutes & 43 seconds
Transcription below, edited slightly for clarity
Hello Instagram, Hi YouTube. Looks like we're live! Today, we are talking about when to hire a life coach. Maybe you’re asking:
“Should I hire a life coach?”
Maybe you're wondering who works with life coaches, or you think a friend could use a life coach. Maybe you’re wondering what the difference between coaching & some other forms of support are, especially at this time when we're all seeking a little bit of support.
So, I'm going to answer that question for you by sharing with you the four main reasons clients work with me. Those four reasons are:
Clarity & direction - seeking those things in our life
Support - navigating when life feels a little tricky or challenging
A kick in the ass - needing a little bit of motivation to get through procrastination, mindset blocks or to finally pursue your dream
You want to live a bigger, bolder, more confident, & more full life.
So, those are the four categories I will be talking about today. & I will also be sharing specific examples with you about what it looks like if you were to enter into a coaching relationship or hire a coach, based on one of those four elements.
Those are from client examples (I will share them anonymously) & they are really inspiring stories. Maybe by the end of this video, you too will feel clarity on whether or not you want to hire a coach or recommend coaching for someone you know, or maybe you'll just be more informed about what coaching is. So, you can have that in your back pocket for a time when you're seeking one of these four things. With that, let's dive in the first category.
Where I see a lot of individuals join coaching or enlist the support of a coach is when they're seeking clarity or direction. What this looks like is that maybe right now, it just feels like life is scattered, it feels like we're overwhelmed with what is in front of us, or maybe what has brought us to this point, even what's behind us already, still feels overwhelming. Maybe they're looking forward at what's next.
I just talked to someone yesterday who was not satisfied with where their career was currently. But, looking forward to something next & not knowing what that next thing was. So, that's where that direction piece comes in.
When I have anyone schedule a consult with me, they fill out a form beforehand & these are some of the common words shared in that form of why they're reaching out when it's related to clarity & direction. So, they're experiencing roadblocks, they're experiencing challenges in their current life. They're noticing patterns & feeling stuck in the patterns that they're starting to notice.
That can feel frustrating.
Feeling scattered.
Feeling lost.
They don't know what to do next.
They don't know what to prioritize.
Even having some overwhelming experiences feeling limiting money or limited time & those limiting beliefs. That can feel sticky & feel like direction & clarity is no longer or isn't a thing for them in their life because of those limiting beliefs. So, it's two examples that I'll share from individuals I've worked with who are in this category of seeking clarity & direction.
One is the woman I mentioned in brief, who I had a consult with yesterday. & she was feeling really, really good about her current situation & actually shared a lot of gratitude & positivity about where she was right now.
But she didn't know that there was change on the horizon.
A lot of us & a lot of individuals I've connected with currently are experiencing the same because of COVID & all the changes that have come from that. Also, the anticipation of (hopefully) some resolution & some progression with how we're dealing with COVID & how we're healing from that total life change. She's really happy with where she is now, but anticipating change moving forward.
& so that anticipation was starting to feel overwhelming & what she had upon entering our call was what she didn'twant to do. That is also common with a lot of people I work with is knowing really clearly what they don't want, but not knowing what they do want.
Through our consult, just that 45 minutes (which by the way everyone has free access to), she was able to illuminate why it was feeling so overwhelming & why it wasn't feeling clear. What her current reality was already embodied a lot of what she desired. She was just dismissing that because she was seeking a next step that was different than her current that to be the solution of her current problem of what to do next. It turns out, it's just to create what currently already is, with a few little tweaks moving forward.
& that was surprising.
It was illuminating.
It was awesome to walk through that with her.
She certainly gained clarity, again, just within those 45 minutes. & now she has a foundation to start asking questions. Not about “What do I want moving forward?” but it's slightly changed to “What do I really like about right now?”because I really do like what's happening right now. & how can I utilize that information to then decide & make just a few tweaks moving forward.
The second example I'll give in this category of clarity & direction, is a client who was my photographer, my very first branding photographer, actually my only branding photographer, I hope I never have to go to anyone else. She's awesome.
She was introduced to coaching simply because she was my photographer. So, it wasn't necessarily that she was even seeking out coaching. We just happened to collide at exactly the right time. Why I give this example is because sometimes, we don't know we need a coach.
The reason that I've seen that to be the theme of this is that there isn't something really, really specific in our life. It's not like our career is totally off course, it's not like relationships are really, really not satisfying our lives or fulfilling in some way, it's not that we're really dissatisfied with our life, it's just that something feels slightly off.
When something just feels slightly off, it isn't necessarily that big of a prompt or a catalyst to make a change, when compared to something like COVID, where a lot of people ended up reaching out to me because they're like:
“I just lost my job, I need to do something”
“I want to figure out what that something is with intention.”
So, this example of my client who again, didn't have something really specific, but did feel something was slightly off. Through our work together, she's living through this place in this totally different mindset of self-confidence, self-trust, & of having clarity (not only what was off before & finding some resolve & finding confidence within her current space) but now because of this foundation, realizing that she really does have some big dreams moving forward to start building.
When we worked together for that first year, it was all about just finding clarity & finding some sort of direction, some sort of foundation to stand on.
The second reason that many individuals hire me or seek a coach is support. This general sense of wanting a cheerleader, wanting a sidekick by your side as you're navigating life transitions, (which is my specialty) or as you're navigating a really challenging part of your life, or realizing how many limiting beliefs you have as you start your business or as something big is coming up for you.
What this looks like is self-doubt, which is a really big one. That's what we're working on in the Yes& Experience this month. Just the general sense of feeling fearful, especially in current times. I'm seeing this a lot.
Feeling uncertain about what's next, & needing or wanting a space to hold that uncertainty in a way that doesn't feel so overwhelming, or paralyzing.
So, specifically how to deal with uncertainty. Some individuals talked about being scared to go after their dreams. They have that clarity & direction already but then the fear sets in about
“How the heck am I going to do this?”
“What does that look like?”
“What if I fail?”
All those fears that just bubble to the surface when we're about to take a big, bold leap. “I don't trust myself.” is a common theme that I found as well & that I hear from clients a lot. Then to know that they want something but feel guilty about it.
This whole category can kind of be summarized by these negative emotions. What we label (historically, at least) as negative emotions. & it doesn't have to be negative emotions. The idea of negative emotions I think, puts a whole shadow on it and I actually like to step away from this with my clients just to look at these a little more objectively.
So how can we utilize this information to navigate, to have a relationship with & to explore?
An example is with one of my clients, who was just really feeling some self-doubt & lack of self-trust & so this came up in her relationships, in making a slight career change, this came up as her role in the family was changing, as kids were leaving the house.
No longer is her role the “mother” role that it has had been for many years. In fact, this story, particularly in this client, stands out to me because it was about six months between our first consult & when we actually started working together.
A lot of what happened within that six months, not even working together, but just having a few conversations back & forth, was her building the self-trust & the self-confidence to even make the investment in herself to hire a coach.
A lot of the work was done, or at least the foundation, before we even started working together. & then once we started working together, things really started happening. I had goosebumps because she shared that she felt like a totally different person, because of our work together.
Through our work, our main focus was building that self-trust, getting to know that part of herself. & getting to know these fears. & these self-doubts that were really loud. Seeing what they needed, what was happening there, what the patterns were when they spoke up so that we had a better understanding of how to relate with them, while stepping into this other version of herself that she felt called to - which was a more confident, self-assured version of herself.
Another example, that I'll share is a man I started working with about six months ago, & he was going through a lot of life changes. Navigating a divorce & moving homes & starting a business in the middle of COVID. A lot of change was happening. With all that change, seeking a coach as support to be the foundation during an unsettling time was really powerful for this client.
I've seen for a lot of clients who are going through life transitions that feel really scattered & feel like there is no foundation. A coaching relationship can become a foundation.
So, it's this point where he & I have calls to check in & see how things are going - to know that I am here steadfast, objectively for him. Not a family member that has emotions, in terms of his business or in terms of whatever else is going on. I'm not someone who knows the intimacies or the in & outs of his daily life.
Sometimes an objective kind of lens that doesn't know what yesterday completely was & to have that space to debrief on what happened & to really lay it out there in a way that doesn't feel so overcoming can be really beneficial.
That foundation & that support system - I tell my one on one clients:
“I am your person for six months. I am your person to turn to. I am your corner woman there for you through & the highs & the lows.”
Not to dismiss the fears & the doubts that are coming up. But rather to have a safe space to build a relationship with them while stepping into whatever it is that they're striving toward. So that's the second example of a general sense of support, & specifically, objective support.
That's what the coach provides, as opposed to, for instance, coffee with mom, or a call with a friend. Also with a coach, it's one-sided intentionally, so I am there to support you & to support my clients rather than having to turn the tables at some point in the conversation like you would with coffee with a friend.
I did want to have a little caveat for this one. & that is to say that I do not work with clients specifically on mental illness. So, if that support, or that need for support, is feeling like
· the negativity,
· the mindset work,
· the emotions are so overwhelming to an extent of mental illness such as depression or anxiety,
or some of these other things that are unfortunately common in our society, I highly encourage my clients to also see the support of a therapist.
So, therapy & coaching (this is a video for another time) these are two different things, they serve two wonderful purposes. I know my boundary as a coach & with my training of what I can & cannot do and what I do not feel comfortable providing support for. That doesn't mean that I don't work with individuals who have depression or have struggled with depression in the past, or some of these other illnesses that come up really frequently. In fact, many of my clients do & in which case again, they work with a therapist in addition to me.
If something is feeling particularly powerful during one of our sessions and I notice the depression coming up, then one of the first questions I ask is: “Are you feeling supported by your therapist right now?” Make sure they have that support & then move forward in how I can support. But it's different than treating mental illness. That's for other trained professionals. I did want to have that little caveat.
That doesn't mean that, of course, I cannot support you. It's just a different type of support in the process, maybe one in addition, or maybe for different seasons of your life, depending on what you're needing right now.
All right, the third common reason people hire me or hire a coach to work with is when you need a kick in the ass. When you need someone to not let you let go of that dream, to not let you fall back on limiting beliefs & familiar patterns that repeat over & over & over again.
Rather, to go after what you know you want.
You want it.
You've wanted it for so many years.
You're passionate about it.
It's right there, it's right in front of you. & yes, it's scary as heck. Yes, there may be some old stuff that we have to work through. Some stories to air out. Some fears that want to be heard. That's all fine & well. I am here for you to make sure that dream - to make sure that peace of clarity & the direction & your true desire thats calling within you (even if it feels a little ambivalent at the moment) - to make sure that that happens.
I am here to make sure that your BS is out in the open so that we can address it, we can have a relationship with it. Then we can move forward into what your dreams, your desires, your true values are.
Some common ideas were:
I want to get out of my own way.
I want to catch my BS before it runs me off course again.
Maybe you've tried to start a business or you've tried to leave a relationship or you've wanted to move for many, many years & had actually planned that & you keep self-sabotaging or things seem to keep coming up that get in your way. It turns out, it's all in the mind or it's just all in the fear of feeling overwhelmed & not having this space to really connect & move forward.
What are the other I always get distracted?
I always procrastinate.
I always let other people's dreams take first place rather than my own.
I just had a conversation with a client yesterday who was saying “I always let someone else's dreams take precedence over my own” & he's sick of it. During that session, he was saying this time I'm not going to let someone else get in my way. I think some people fear that’s narcissism or some people fear that’s being selfish. It's not. Especially if your tendency is to let others take precedence over yourself.
I have a feeling that you are mindful of others & respectful of others & care about those other people in your life. It's just about prioritizing yourself as well, in addition to the care that you have for your family & your spouse & your friends around you, so it's me standing there to make sure that your voice is also heard. To make sure that your dreams & your desires & your values are also made a priority even when we want to care for others.
We do care for others in our life & want to cheer others on as well. An example is a client who identified that she really, really thrives on external motivation or external boundaries, such as deadlines. So, we had a lot of conversations about whether to build her own business, which she was considering doing, versus whether to be an employee in business that’s a better fit for her than the one that she had left. To have these conversations & to illuminate that it's not necessarily that she wants to go back to this corporate lifestyle, rather it's that she knows her tendencies She knows that:
when she has a deadline &
when she when she has a team &
when she has collaboration &
when she has someone else to hold her accountable to these things, she thrives.
So, we can use that information, not to fall back on something that she knows she doesn't want for a variety of reasons, but to build a system for herself. Knowing those tendencies sets her up for success, even if it's your own business. She doesn't technically have a boss besides herself, & coaching has been a huge influence for her.
She said that she would not have started the online course that she ended up starting just a few months into our coaching relationship if it weren't for our work together, simply because she wouldn't have had the deadline. She wouldn't have had the reasons &, honestly, the alternative of getting a “real job”. Having that quick income is really shiny & really appealing, especially when we're feeling afraid.
I was there to hold her accountable for what she said she wanted to do & to help her work through any of those limiting beliefs or old tendencies that she could have fallen back on, had it not been for this dedicated space to work through those things & choose an alternative.
Another example, is someone who was in corporate & loved it for many, many years, & is just now done with it. It's comfortable to be where he is for many reasons, but it's also highly uncomfortable.
What I've experienced with this particular client & in a lot of client relationships, is that when things are comfortable enough, there isn't that kick in the pants that we need to make the change. Even if we know we want the change, even if an alternative is right in front of us.
If we're comfortable enough, we can stay there forever, even if we're not feeling completely satisfied or completely fulfilled where we're at.
It's enough to let it be okay another day & then another week & then another month & then another year. That just piles up because there's no real kick forward. There's no real motivation to really make the change that we already know is desired.
This particular client was saying “I'm done. I'm done in this place. & I know that I would stay if I didn't have a support system to really motivate me to move forward.” That's where I come in, is to motivate him to move forward.
With all the love, I also can challenge my clients. In fact, during a call I had yesterday a client said “Well, that was challenging.” I do it with so much compassion. I do it with empathy. I'm a business owner. I've, of course, taken my own leaps of faith & my own big scary steps forward. I do that all the time. So, I'm coming from that place of understanding & hearing out the concerns & the fears & all the things that may be on your mind as we're entering these big, bold steps & wanting change.
I also know how beneficial it is when we make the change & follow through with what you desire & what you dream & what you imagine your life to be. I'm there to make sure that that happens & there to ensure that you take the step & you make the change.
No matter how many times we have to revisit your fears.
No matter how many times we have to walk through the different characters that you have in your life, in your mind, that have historically held you back. I’m there to work through those to make sure that you move forward - because it's worth it, it is so worth it.
That leads to the last point. The fourth reason why a lot of people hire coach & a lot of individuals work with me is because they want a better life. I think this is a perspective shift from what our society has historically considered as “essential” for our well-being & for health. The reason for that is because something doesn't necessarily have to be wrong or have to feel off about your current life for you to hire a coach, for you to even spend a lot of money on a coach or on a support system. To level up, to go to the next stage & the bigger dream of your life, is absolutely worth it.
We are in a society & that's why it makes sense that it's it can feel scary sometimes. We're confused on “Why would I spend this much money if life is fine right now?” or “Why would I make this big scary step if I'm comfortable?”
The reason is because you are being proactive & you're dreaming bigger than good enough. Sometimes good enough is great enough, sometimes good enough is perfect. I am all for that. If there's something on your heart, if there's something calling you, a twinkle in your eye or something right on the horizon & you're saying “that looks really interesting to me,” there's a reason for that.
You deserve to go after it.
You deserve to live a life that not just feels good enough, but feels incredible.
That feels beyond your wildest dreams.
That feels like you are truly experiencing the full breath this life has to offer you.
That is another reason clients come to me & hire coaches. That's why I've hired coaches in the past. Again, not because something is wrong, not that something even feels wildly off course, but because you know there'ssomething bigger or you know there's something that's calling your attention & it feels scary or it feels overwhelming. Or you have so much limiting belief about why you're not worth that something bigger, or why right now should be fine & you should just be grateful for where you're sitting.
Which, yes, we can feel grateful for where we're sitting. We can feel grateful & move forward towards something that is even more expansive & abundant & incredible not only for you, but for everyone else.
There's a quote & she shares that “When you let your life shine, you're giving others permission to do the same.” That is what this is all about. Letting your life shine as brightly & as boldly as possible.
Not only will that help you experience a life beyond your wildest dreams, but it inspires others to experience a life beyond their wildest dreams in their unique way that will look different for sure from yours. It will look different from everyone else's & it's giving everyone permission to pursue greatness to pursue the Incredible abundance that is available for all of us. We just give permission & step forward & bring up the support to ensure that that happens.
Some specific quotes clients who have shared with me that life is fine, but usually it's like,
“Well, everything is okay.” & trying to justify almost right away. “I should be okay with where life is.” I hear that a lot. “But I have this other dream on my heart.” Yeah, yeah, you do have another dream on your heart, GO AFTER IT.
I just want to feel happy.
I just want to feel confident.
I want to have purpose & meaning.
I want to have a greater impact.
I want to reach my goals.
I want to dream bigger or do bigger or create something bigger than what's currently in front of me.
An example that I'll share is a client who has her own music school business. When we met, her business was already thriving. So, it wasn't a matter of building that business together, but rather it was redefining her role within that business to the one that she really wanted.
When we first started working together, she was definitely a worker within her business. We did a lot of mindset work. We did a lot of strategy & logistical work as well to help create a life & a business where she became the visionary & the true leader of her business, rather than a worker within her business.
So yes, business was already good, life was already good. She just wanted that something bigger. & because of that her business continues to thrive, even in bigger ways. & she has the space & she has the expansiveness & she has the celebration that this is her dream career. That she's not going to burn out, & then essentially burn down something that she really wanted if only she had tweaked a little bit of how she showed up within the business that she created.
Another example, is someone who is in the in the early stages of building his tutoring business. He says that so many times (and it makes me so happy to hear) that this is his dream career. It's holding a space & holding this idea that this is possible for him & he is making it happen. It's encouraging him to go forward, even when curveballs come in the way, like COVID or like family stuff that can come up - even when it feels scary, even when finances feel tight & thehow doesn't feel crystal clear.
That's okay.
That's what I'm here to help you navigate through & strategize with. Find a way that works & creates the reality, but in a way, the process & the outcome hat's true to what his dream career really is, rather than settling or straying a little off course because it feels safer or because someone else told him that was the best way. It's truly building his dream career & staying true to it as he enacts it.
So, those are the four reasons in 30 minutes. The four reasons why people hire a coach, what I've seen as the main themes & why people hire me. I specialize in life transitions & specifically with your career, with your relationships & with your lifestyle, those healthy habits.
If you are feeling like you want more clarity & direction, if you are feeling like you need support to navigate the limiting beliefs & the fears that come up as we change & as we step forward into something new, into something different, if you are wanting a cheerleader by your side to give you a kick in the ass, or to hold that dream that you have, that really is true & really is possible. That's what I am here for.
Everyone has available to them The Decision Matrix Game.
This game walks you through a customizable questionnaire that helps you answer something like “Should I hire a coach right now?” or “Am I ready to invest in my business & do I want to pursue this change?”
If any of those questions are coming up, that's what this game can help you answer.
With that, we're done with our Weekly Spark for this week on September 22. Thank you for everyone who joined today. & as always, I'm here for you in full support. Until next time.
If you enjoyed this exercise and would like to integrate these types of concepts and practices in your life, Yes& has recently launched a group program called the Yes& Experience. Each month, we focus on one concept and you get exercises delivered directly to your email, and have the opportunity to join group coaching calls and dive even deeper, together.
Prices will rise soon as we are growing, so be sure to check it out now and take advantage of our Founder’s rates starting at just $19 per month.
Until then, you know where to find me on Instagram on YouTube. These videos will be happening every Tuesday now, so look forward to those and get on my mailing list so that you can receive replays, and also receive the PDFs that accompany each little mini workshop.
