Welcome to another Weekly Spark. Last week, I shared four of my favorite resources for helping you to live a purpose driven day. Three of those four resources focused on meditations & what meditation does is help you unveil the wisdom that you already have within yourself. We're continuing with that theme today, not through more meditation, but through asking killer questions. 

 Scroll to the bottom of this page to watch the video, or simply read the transcript below (edited slightly for clarity).

The value of asking the right questions cannot be over emphasized. Our brains are expert problem solvers. I know this from my master's studies in Psychology & the key here is to remember whether or not we approach this with purpose & intention. Our brains are going to be answering the questions we give to it. So, for instance, if something goes wrong & my question is, “Why does this always happen to me?” I will come up with answers for why this always happens to me. Which in turn continues “that” always happening to me because now I'm building a belief system around this negative thing always happening to me.

 

You have so much power in these situations to ask better questions, & come up with genius answers that take you toward your best, most ideal life. The life that you want, instead of a life that just continues. 

 

This is just like last week, when I was mid-session with one of my incredible clients & I used one of these questions. We took her from a place of fear & uncertainty about these next three months, to a place where she felt clear & confident about what she wanted to do & how to do it. 

 

Now it is your turn to experience that confidence & clarity. So, let's dive in to these five killer life coaching questions. 

 

The first life coaching question: Is that true? 

This is a question to ask yourself when you hear yourself say or think a bold statement. Recently, I went on a journey to organize & decorate our new Montana apartment & I was looking at this gorgeous couch. Perfect. Exactly what I wanted for my living room, but I said “Oh, I can't afford that.” It wasn't true. If I were to look at my bank statement, I had that much money in my bank account. So, what was going on? 

 

Well, I have some subsequent questions after that first question in the PDF, what is more true? What am I avoiding here? What is it I'm really trying to say? Or what is it that I really want? 

 

All of these questions dig under that initial, blanket statement to paint a more accurate picture.

 

With this example, instead of “I can't afford that” - because that's not actually the truth, I dug deeper & said, “Well, I'm really uncomfortable spending that much money, especially on a couch.” & then digging even deeper under that, Is there something I'm avoiding here? What am I really getting at? 

 

What it was really unveiling was my own work around worthiness & around embracing my values & my preferences. So, for you, when you hear yourself making a statement, especially these bold blanket statements, ask yourself for a moment. Is that true?

 

Life Coaching Question #2: What Story Am I Telling Myself?

If you're feeling something really strongly, ask yourself, “What is the story that's going on under the surface?” & then with those subsequent questions, you can dig even a little bit deeper.

 

What values are represented by that story? 

Where did this story come from? 

Which part of me is telling this story? 

& do I believe that is this even my story to hold on to?

Is this serving me? 

 

So, let me use an example that I suspect a lot of you will resonate with coming up at the conclusion of COVID. A lot of us are working from home & then working from home, we face unique challenges about specifically the end & beginning of our workday, or more accurately the boundaries (or lack thereof) around our workday. Before we know it, it's possible to lose that balance between work & life. 

 

Let's say you're at the end of your workday, technically speaking, but you're feeling pressure to keep working. Maybe your boss sent a late email, maybe you really want to get this project done, or you didn't check that last item off your list. If you're feeling that feeling of pressure or guilt, ask yourself “What is the story I'm telling myself here?” 

 

Maybe the story is that you're not enough. If you don't finish that or you won't get the promotion or this one checked item is the key to finally achieving success. When you bring these stories to the surface, oftentimes, right away, we can pinpoint that they're not fully accurate. & then dig deeper into the subsequent questions & ask, “Where did this story come from?” 

 

Maybe it came from the example that your parents gave, they were really hardworking & became really successful because of it. This is one example that created this story, but that doesn't necessarily mean that the story is full truth, or the only truth of how to become successful. What values are represented here? Maybe you do value hard work, maybe you value completion, maybe you value following through on your word. 

 

What's so great about unearthing the values of these stories is that you don't have to only live by that story to represent your values. So, let's say that you value following through on your word, & you told your boss that you would get done with this thing by the end of the day. Your only option is not to get done with that thing by the end of the day, in order to stay true to your word. Potentially you can create a new word by updating your boss & saying, “Look, this took way longer, I wasn't able to complete it. I'm so sorry, I really want to stay true to my word & I know that tomorrow for sure.” 

Once you unveil not only the story, but the value under it & the origin under it, you have more empowerment & choice to say, “Is that story or is the action that follows that story, the one that I choose?” Or can I enact my values in a way that feels way better than how it's currently going? 

 

Another follow up question here to the story are you telling yourself is something I love doing with my clients, which is finding their characters. These different parts of us that can act again, different values, but also different worldviews & different learnings & different teachings & different personality traits that we have. & so, there's probably a caricature, a personality of you that is very hardworking & driven. There's probably also a caricature version of you that loves to have fun & hang out with friends & maybe as a hobby. 

 

Maybe there's another part of you that loves organization & completeness. & there's another part of you, that's a little more go with the flow. So, there are all these different parts of us & in these stories, often one part of us is speaking really, really powerfully. & we can ask ourselves, do I want to listen to that part of myself now, or even just bring our awareness to one part of me is speaking, there are probably other parts of this story. 

 

There are other perspectives I can choose to adopt, if that feels better. So now that we have some more self-awareness of what's going on in our situation, move on to question three. 

 

Question #3 for confidence & clarity: Expansion. What else could be true?

That first question, “Is this true? Just asks is the thing in front of us the truth? We asked, “What story am I telling myself to create that truth, that belief that I had adopted, without or with my knowing?” & now we're saying, “Okay, what else could be true?” 

 

Continuing to broaden your perspective about what is possible & what else you could step into in this moment, besides an option that doesn't feel so great for you? So, along with what else could be true, what else could be possible? What other perspectives are here that I could adopt? & finally, what do I choose to adopt once I have that big expansive view? 

 

I love with my clients specifically to get out of our heads at this point & to look at objects, yes, objects around the room. So right now, I'm looking at my guitar & I could say, well, what would my guitar think about me working late into the evening? Or I have a picture of my younger self hung right behind this camera, I could say, “What would my younger self say about working into the evening?” 

 

I have the plant behind me, what would the plant say about not taking a rest? Now, I have all these different perspectives to play with. The guitar would say, “No, I really want to play for some of my evening.” My younger self would say, “Well, when do we get recess?” My plant might say, “If we don't have this balance in this cycle, we literally won't survive.” 

 

Wow, profound wisdom from objects around our room. This is why I love referring to objects, because again, it gets you out of your head, & oftentimes brings up the most profound wisdom, without us having to work so hard for it. After playing around with some perspectives, you already have an expanded view that in itself is a win & from there, choose what you want to step into that might take some practice to step into this perspective. But you've already done a lot of the heavy lifting.

Question four & the third section is decision. Is this in alignment with my most powerful, authentic life?

Join my group coaching program, I promise you will step closer & closer to knowing what that is, or use some of these subsequent questions. 

 

What is my ideal? 

What would my future self say what is the best that could happen? 

 

At this point, you have the self-awareness of what is & isn't feeling good, have the beliefs that you have intentionally & unintentionally adopted, the ones that feel aligned in your gut & that feel a little bit off, you have the expansive view of what else is possible & different perspectives you can try on. & now it is your time to say what really ignites my fire, what steps me toward the version of life that makes me feel proud abundant & so excited to live? 

 

There is an interesting component to this question, because your answer could be no. & you don't necessarily have to do anything about that. Does it feel icky to not do anything about that? Probably definitely. Either in the short or long term. However, this is simply another practice of awareness & simply another opportunity for you to feel empowered about what you choose. By being empowered, truly empowered about what you choose, you can ultimately choose whatever you want, which could be maintaining a reality that doesn't feel like your most expansive self. Maybe you choose that simply for this season that feels right, for some reason for this season. 

 

Or maybe you choose, you know what, now it's time for the change. & you step into that life that you've always dreamed about. & speaking of stepping into the life that you've always dreamed about the fourth category. & the fifth question is action. 

Question #5 for confidence & clarity: What if this were easy?

What if this were fun? I facilitate an incredible group of individuals in my group coaching program, & we meet over Zoom, every single week. Recently, after a session of brainstorming & sharing different ideas with each other, we felt the shift toward the analytical side of ourselves & one of my clients broke that analytical spiral by chiming in & saying, “This is fun.” 

 

She was reminding us that what we were exploring was fun & life giving & that reminder sent us all into laughter. I literally felt the weight drop from everyone's shoulders on a call. You may be feeling that right now, through not only five questions, but subsequent questions to help you dig deep into what you're really feeling & what you want to experience. That can take us into an analytical space. So, this last question is intended to help you step back & to say, this can be fun, & insane. How can this be fun? You're automatically coming up with solutions of how this can feel more easeful & joyful. 

 

With that, comment below, what was your favorite question out of all of them? As you look at these questions, you'll notice that there is a purposeful mix of questions that foster intention & questions that foster action. If you've watched my videos in the past, you know that I stand by blending intention & action & I stand by blending them because it is the only way to not only achieve your goals, but sustain your goals. Sustain the dreams that you have for yourself because you have both intention for what those goals are, not only on the surface but at a really deep internal level. & you also have the action steps to pursue & make those dreams a reality. 

 

I have a free fun nine question quiz that helps you to determine whether you are intention focused or action focused. 

 

Don't forget below this video to comment your favorite question of them all & lastly, if you would like more videos just like this, I am sharing the budgeting method that changed my life next Tuesday. Until then have a wonderful week. You are doing amazing!