Video length: 41 minutes & 28 seconds

Transcription below, edited slightly for clarity

Life Before Coaching

Marin

Oh, let's set the foundation. Go all the way back to the beginning of our coaching relationship or this could also be like a year prior to that, or maybe even two years prior so that when you when I first started talking about coaching. 

 

Annie               

The very first time we spoke, I was a month away from leaving my job. Something told me it wasn’t right anymore. You reached out on Facebook, & we chatted & it was just like such a surprisingly like nice conversation. I mean, I think at that point, I was in this place of like, hopefulness & like almost like maybe like a naive state of trust, of like, all I need to do is get rid of this current thing that's not serving me, this job, create space in my life. & then like, the next thing will just beautifully present itself. & in a way it did, that my vision did not leave room for all of these like, continuous ups & downs along the way.

 

Marin

Oh, yeah, & then you went on a big trip.

 

Annie

& then I had the opportunity to go to Costa Rica, it just popped into my inbox. & it was absolutely perfect. & I was there for five months, it gave me this landing place. & this place of growth, this place where there were triggers for sure, but it was almost like my life had structure & purpose, & it all added up - every little piece lined up. & so, I was able to show up as like this glowing, happy, best version of myself while I was there.

However, this was only five months. & then my intuition told me to go back home, to ride out the pandemic from home & see what kind of business I could create. & that is when I started a coaching package with you. That was the other interesting thing for me about that timing, financially, is that I had given myself the financial cushion for leaving my job of that I had enough money that I could go to this yoga teacher training program, go to Burning Man, then I found the money to go to Costa Rica for five months, which is free, but I still had student loans & health insurance & stuff. & then I got back from that.

& I thought I was out of money. & I was like this is I don't have any more money to spend. & that is when I made the choice to spend $6,000 on a coaching package, which was just like this, WHAT? How? How? & that, in & of itself is one of the most powerful things for me. & when I thought I couldn't, is when I did & I invested more in myself than I ever would have. The experience in itself of investing in the coaching package was perhaps the most powerful part of that entire thing.

 

Marin

I mean, that's such a powerful statement. & I felt it too. & that's why I celebrate for you & for everyone who shows up that much & with that much courage, which I saw in you & that much vulnerability, which I saw in you. Like you said, I mean, logistically, right, nothing else would have happened, had you not taken that step. But from the growth side of the amount of work, essentially, that you had to go through yourself in order to make that payment, in order to show up & say yes, that's what we ended up nurturing for the remaining, for the six months that we have together.

& that first step like was the snowball, was the start of it. That was a huge like jumpstart to propel all the growth that was to follow. You said maybe a little bit naively I thought everything would fall into place. & then when you went on to explain what happened next, you said & everything just fell into place. The ducks just lined up in a row & I had this great opportunity that just appeared in my inbox. Did you realize that when we met that happened?

 

Annie

I mean, I did realize that, but it's like there were two & a half really hard months before the opportunity fell into my inbox. & then that opportunity lasted five months, & now there's the rest of my life. It happened, it did happen, & I believe it will continue to happen. & there's a lot of space in between when we need to sit with ourselves without the security of that full-time job, or the comfort of that paycheck, or of knowing what's next, & that is really challenging. 

 

Marin

Yes, what I hear you saying, & this is like, a lifelong lesson all of us are still I think always learning it is like, we trust we can go through the growth & trust our intuition & start practicing that & flex that muscle. & still, like you just said, I believe in that this will continue to happen. & still, it's really uncomfortable for those times when it doesn't look like we thought it would look, right? The how is really unclear, even if we trust it. Or like you said, there's just space, there's their space in between when it is uncertain. 

& then this, the second thing I wanted to highlight was how much I admire you & how proud I am of you. & this theme also that that you repeated of when you thought you couldn't any more, when you thought you didn't have the money, when you thought now would not be the time -  there was this gut feeling. & this, this motivation, this drive to say this is the time I'm going to enlist the support of one on one coaching & spend $6,000 & take this risk. & I remember our conversations leading up to that. It was like, “Yes, I want to do it.” & then another email would be like, maybe not, I don't know, the next thing would be like, “Yeah, no, I'm totally going do it.” & that's part of the wave too, right? That's part of, it's like, okay, I have this intuition. This is what I feel, I'm called to it. & it's frickin’ scary, & that's okay.

 

Annie

& I'm in a similar position, again, like this house where I'm on the line for rent. & again, like, I don't know how, & one thing that the coaching experience has given me with financial release is like, just let it surprise you.

 

Marin

I really want to highlight this it’s such a beautiful quote, you said, “Let it surprise you.” Like, let it surprise you by what happens. & in these conversations, & in everything, I feel like we can say things. & like we say it for ourselves, too. So, I'm like just repeating it back for me, for you, for everyone who's listening, let it surprise you & have that faith & let it be surprising. & maybe that means that if there isn't that clear how immediately, that just means that there's a really cool surprise coming. Like, we can believe that or not. But if we choose to believe that, it may feel a lot easier if we fight against it. So then tell us a little bit about the six months themselves. What happened during those six months, maybe a few highlight experiences, & what was coaching like?

Your Coaching Experience

Annie

your ability as a coach is like really remarkable. You expertly, expertly guide conversations, it's a gift. So, not only is there never a dull moment, but it's also always going in the most productive direction. Something small actually shifts on each one of those calls, I saw it as so valuable. I spent the whole two weeks prior ruminating about what problem I was going to solve in this coaching session, & then I'd come & have an hour long, very powerful call & then go back to my life. & then fortunately, I had this tech support & then I would use my text messages to continue ruin it. Just continue with this outlet for all the sh!t that was on my mind & at some point, I realized that I am a yogi at heart. & that came through many times in the coaching session & the teaching of yoga is quieting the mind & connecting with yourself. 

 & I realized that I was using these texts to validate my mind, it was like my mind would see something that was wrong. & I would just like, instead of like, questioning it, stepping away from it, coming to a place of greater calm. I was instantly like typing it to Marin so she could fix it, because that's what I was paying for, right? Was Marin to help me fix all my problems, ruminating about everything that was wrong in my life. & then I realized that that was actually counterproductive. The calls, on the other hand, were really productive. That each call had just these big shifts that happen, that like big learning that came through, we ended up switching the coaching package & I asked Marin, if we could change it to having an extra call a week, or a month, instead of having the unlimited texting. 

Why You Preferred Extra Sessions

Marin

When you first were bringing up like, I feel so much pressure for these sessions, because you loved them & grew so much from each & then held them like a gemstone where it was almost like I saw you taste what happens in those sessions. & then you're like, Oh, these are valuable, I need to make sure I get everything I can out of these. & then this like, kind of shadow side twist happened, where it was like, so much holding on to them, so much holding on to these hours, that within the session was being affected. & then as you explained to the text messaging in between was just like there was a lot of gremlin activity going on. 

Eventually when you came forward, & you were like, can we add an extra session? & up until that point in Yes&’s history I hadn't had two coaching packages for my one on one clients. & you presented that & I let it digest. I did my own intuition check-in stuff. & I was like, for sure. For Annie, for sure. I could see it, I could see what was happening. & as you explained it, as you're experiencing, we could tell that the text messaging, while it's extremely valuable for some of my clients, they love having that place to just like debrief & digest & like, Oh my gosh, I just had another insight or needing more support. That's not what was happening for you. For you it was that like spiral. & so, I was like, well, for sure for Annie. So, I was like yes to you. 

I hold so much gratitude for you for bringing that up. Because now I have clients who choose, I have both of those options to choose at the forefront of coaching packages, & I have clients who are so appreciative. So, as you said earlier, investing in coaching was a really monumental moment for you, that changed a lot. & then I would say that about four months in when you requested to change the package, that was another really big moment. Because you were st&ing up for you knew what you wanted, you knew what was happening, you were observing it, you could see it, you had already done some mindset work just to like, check, check around to see like, is this something else? Or is this actually something that I want? & then you asked for it, & then it changed. & then the rest of our months together? You were like, this is amazing. This is so perfect. I'm so glad I did this. & that was really all you.

 

Annie

I mean, it was not all me, it was both of us. That speaks a lot to who you are, that you could have just been like, no, this is my package & you created the space to change that for me within boundaries are also worked for you. One of the things that came out of coaching, like the practice of yoga is so important to me -- that is my practice. & that is, contrary to popular belief, not about showing up on your mat every morning, or even sitting in meditation, although meditation does help. But it is about how you show up in every single moment & not giving so much power to the negative thoughts that are very magnetizing try to pull you in. 

So that moment of noticing that this text messaging was actually taking away from my life, not because Marin wasn't doing a great job of responding but because of how I was using it internally, was so profound. It's like that is the choice that we that we talked about. I can choose to give these problems more time of day. I can choose to say yes, this is actually a problem. Or I can choose to say you know what? This thought is not serving me right now. 

After that change was made, like the entire content of our coaching calls changed. It was like suddenly, like, I thought that I wanted coaching to help me form a business. & then still like, “Oh, what is my daily schedule & holding myself accountable & my business.” But it's like creating that little bit of our space allowed me to just work through the human stuff that was there, which I hadn't even thought of. It hadn't crossed my mind, that would be a reason that I was seeking coaching. & one of the most valuable calls or call that I've seen that value in, already came immediately after we made that shift. & I have room to talk about this situation in my life that I wouldn't have talked about otherwise, if I had known we only had four precious sessions left.

 

Marin

You mentioned that the sessions were where you found like that profound insight. So, what does that look like? What happened in those little gemstones?

 

Annie

Well the one that I feel most compelled to share, it's our first session, & when we did a visualization, & we visualized my future self & it was just this like five-minute little short visualization of like, direction setting of where I'm going & I have come back to that future self, so many times. I draw on it so often, I draw on that vision. I mean, again, like you've heard me say, like, sometimes it's frustration because I’m not this person all the time, but it also served as this place of “Okay, but I also am that.” That person that we visualized was not someone other than me, it was me, I have access to all this wisdom & this person. So, what we did, & in doing this guided visualization was one session that really jumps out at me. & then the others, I mean, it's just this dialogue. They’re all so personal. I honestly don't even want to share. 

 

Marin

Yes, absolutely. & because of that telepathy, I’m sending you my favorite one. See if you know what one is, but there's one. Do you have an inkling?

 

Annie  

Does it include a lock & a key? 

 

Marin

Yeah, yeah. I just I cherish that image, I think of it all the time & I think of you & I think of how beautiful that is & all of our sessions, but that one particularly it was just such this powerful image & this experience & I think just I mean, like you said of why you don't want to share these of it is such a personal space. 

 

Annie

It's so much not just business & planning your life & making a schedule. Marin could call her coaching like soul coaching. That's what you do, it’s not a surface level. I mean, that's why I still have all my surface level life problems because that's not where the work is – it’s deeper. I think the results of what I had learned, it doesn't show up all at once as this like, my life has turned on its head & my future self like, I’m just myself.

Situations repeat themselves, that's kind of how life works. We keep getting taught the same lesson until we learn it & we can get caught on the same hamster wheel of responding in the same way or we can learn from it & respond differently. So, the value of the six months of coaching, it's like, I don't think I've seen even a fraction of the value yet. I think it's like a value that will continue to carry with me as little situations arise & then like a little bit more empowered to handle this a little bit differently, because I invested in myself & made the choice to work on it. I feel like every coach is like, every type of coaching is different than coaching. & each person brings their uniqueness, which is why it's so important to follow your gut with who you choose to work with.

This coaching relationship, I honestly don't have much more clarity on my career than I did before, even though that’s what I thought I was looking for, but I have a greater capacity to handle breakups & how I deal with that. I see my fears differently, I feel more empowered, I feel more able to set boundaries. I feel confident in investing in myself. I don't think there's a drastic transformation, I think it’s many subtle transformations, I think the shifts are subtle. I think that anything that says do this & you’ll do a one-eighty, I mean, there's a lot of that in the marketing world of like, this is going change you.

If that is what you want, if that's what you're buying will be disappointed. It's not this drastic transformation. It's subtle, daily, slow tidbits of work, maybe for other people, I’m speaking only for my experience. It is showing up each day to do the work. Seeing what room for growth there is, using the coaching relationship to push you in that & then I mean, it’s possible that there's a domino effect. & that subtle shifts will create giant change if practiced consistently over time. I don't see as this like, I think that idea of it as a huge transformation is misleading, it’s much more, I think happens on a subtler level, at least the work that we did, & subtle internal shifts.

 

Marin

It is so important to bring that up, like you talked about, you feel empowered, & you talk with your fears differently, & you know yourself differently. & we found that nugget of like yoga is your purpose, that is the thing that lives through you. & that's what a dream career stems from. Like without any of that a dream career can't happen or a dream relationship can't happen because there isn't that foundational awareness. & so, putting myself in your shoes, or like in the client shoes of when I think back to some coaching relationships that I've had where, quite frankly, I was in a very similar seat to you in this very moment where afterwards I was like,

“I don't know, I don't know if that was worth it. I don't know what that taught me.” & then now years & years & years later, I can say remember that one session that I had with that coach, & I had like, there's not even an awareness of like, that's the session to come back to eventually it's just like “Oh, that was the, like you're saying, the subtle shift” that led to this domino effect or like that was the subtle shift that then just like eventually morphed into me having my own coaching business, or you having your own cafe or whatever it ends up being of having this foundation created & bringing all of us back to the earth to be like it's not going to be one-eighty in six months, & then you're fine for the rest of your life.

 

Annie

Exactly, it's a process. & it’s important to me to convey that because I would want to know that before investing, & that doesn't mean it's not worth it. If you ask me if it's worth it, my answer is yes. But it’s not going to fix you, it’s not going to fix all your problems. You have to fix them, & it's not even about fixing, it is ongoing. It's an ongoing daily practice of taking & applying things to grow from them.

It's not just a six-month package, like if you show up & you invest in one six-month coaching package, & then you call it a day? I’m sure you'll get some benefit, but I think that's how I was looking at it. I was like, this is a price tag. This is $6,000 for this package, & this will take me to where I need to be. & then at that end of that, I should have everything that I wanted, because I invested. Do you want to continue piling on the growth on top of each other, continue to see that change happening? You need to continue to invest in yourself & not expect that the work will be all done because the six months is up. The six months is really rather arbitrary, just to create some structure.

 

Marin

I think it's, it's fascinating, because from a coach's shoes, I look at you & see so much change from six months ago. & I think about each of our sessions, & I think about the imagery that we created & navigated & the depth that we went in, & the emotions that we tapped into, & the clarity that & you said before, like to be honest, I don't know if I feel that much clarity, but the clarity that I experienced with you during those sessions, the insights, the actions that you then took to follow, the things that you would not have done six months ago that you have now done, like 5, 10, 20 of them. & so I so empathize & feel what you're feeling. & at the same time, it's a really interesting place for me to st& because it's like, so much has changed. So much has changed. 

& like respecting that the, like we were talking about earlier, the fruits of that will show up in probably the way that we expect change to look like for months & years to follow. Yeah, just to like celebrate that. I did see so much change for you. & I saw you took really take rather really brave action & show up so vulnerably & meet yourself at a place that from what we navigated in the sessions, you hadn't gone there before ever in your life. & for that to all have happened, within six months, maybe it wasn't the one-eighty in terms of like, now I have a business & it's bringing in enough money for me to pay everything I need & I'm feeling super comfortable & my relationship is fantastic. Those external things that all of us humanly want & crave. Other things have taken an absolute one-eighty from where we started to where you are seated right now & how you've been talking about it & relating with all of this,

Top Outcomes

Annie

I think that that question of what three major shifts that happened would be really interesting one to answer. 

 

Marin

Yeah, go for it. 

 

Annie

One is that I started a cooking course, & whether or not I will continue doing that, whether or not that is my preference, or that’s what lights me up. I'm not sure. But I did it. & so now I know that I can. & I know that I that I can make money outside of the job because I’ve done it & I can alter it shift it or change it but have that as a foundation. 

A second major shift is boundaries, which is an issue that has continually popped up in my life when setting appropriate boundaries, & it still comes up. But now I recognize it, it's like I saw it pop up again & I can be like “Oh, this is a boundary situation.” & we came up with this concept of healthy boundaries foster connection. & it's realizing that when I don't communicate my boundaries, & then I'm upset later because they've been crossed, like I set myself up for conflict. & the quicker that I can communicate a boundary & lay it out, it doesn't need to be unpleasant. It's just there's letting someone know & then that can actually create a healthy relationship because then they are equipped to meet that boundary or we can go in separate directions. I think I used to try so hard to be nice or not want to make anyone uncomfortable, be such a people pleaser & then in that I was not serving my personal boundaries. So yeah, that alone will serve me over & over again throughout my life.

& then the last one is this idea that rejection is the key to my growth. & maybe even that's a subtle way, a simple way to say it, using the word rejection.  But maybe even not looking at it as rejection, just exploring the idea of like, what is this part of me that is so afraid of being turned down or a relationship ending or not being friends with someone? What, what is that? & the reason is, the key to my growth for that to happen is so that I can see a difference, I can see myself differently. 

& yeah, I haven't been in a situation like that again since my coaching session where that has come up. But when it does come up, which it inevitably will, because that's a part of life, I'll look at that was so much greater awareness. Instead of just being in that story of what's wrong with me, I will say, this is a situation & I can learn a whole lot from it, & use it to unpack the part of me that feels incomplete or unworthy, or whatever that is, & find greater touch with myself & my center, & my self-confidence & my self-worth. & how empowering life changing is that? 

So, there are all these things that my mind can be like, “Oh, my problems, I still have all the same problems.” But the things that I just pointed to in these three areas of growth, & those are just three because Marin said three, but she could say twenty & I could come up with twenty. They're also there & they came out of this investment, personal growth is my highest value, because all I have to live with is myself. & we are with ourselves, all the time. So, if we can invest in ourselves & changes that allow us to live with ourselves & interact with the world in healthier ways, in ways that lift us up rather than drive us down when these situations happen. That's worth a lot.

 

Marin  

It’s a continuous journey, & naming all the things of that have like those three greatest areas or three of the many ready, right greatest areas of what you took away from this coaching experience & how you grew, & then simultaneously listing off all these other areas of your life where you want to grow. I'm going to take us to your favorite place of yoga & say, that is forever. That is always, right? We always have these celebrations & these goals & things that we still want. & if we stop wanting…life is desire. & so, if we stop desiring, we stop living. There's always going to be these desires.

Advice for Future Clients

Annie

For me, this experience has brought, it’s highlighted both my best self & my worst self, & I get to see both of those. There's all of this thought in my head, all of these thoughts about is this worth it & am I getting the value & all of these problems? Like there's so much sh!t in there, & you’re even seeing it come through in this conversation. I still have all of this sh!t. & then there's also like the fact that like Marin is an amazing coach & like you do this from such a place of like, this is your soul’s work. There is no question about “is this your work” & that's one of the things that I don't have that I wanted, I wanted to like, I want to know what my work is, like job aside.

It’s actually almost a testament to how good you are at this, that you didn't just give me what I wanted. I wanted to find that, but you didn't let me go there. & I wanted to create a life that looks like yours, because it's so structured & you get so much done, & you did not say like, “Yes, let's create this.” You made it about me, & what I need, which is so different from your life, & you are doing your soul’s work, & you are working so freaking hard. You give so much & you do it from such a place of love & compassion & resilience. 

It's not like I can say that this added value or I'm not sure if this added value. & you don't say, oh no, maybe I suck. There's no sense of like, I need to take care of you. You show up in this role of 100% to support you & you give so much. & it's like, it's such a gift, there’s the business of it. & yeah, hell yeah, you deserve to have a thriving business & pay your expenses & all of that. & there's also the fact that like, you're giving so unconditionally & I felt that so much, & really loved & cherished & looked forward to every one call with you.

So, to someone who is considering coaching, I'm not sitting here saying just do it, no. Listen to yourself, like does it feel right? Without expectations of what you're going to get from it, but with confidence that this feels like something that you want to try & be open to what you'll get from it? & as you do so, can you like, this is just from my higher self to you, of course you want to be rational & to use logic & make sure that the investment feels like a worthy investment. But can you set aside the chaos in your mind about what you're supposed to get & if it's worth it? Because that's not helpful, & that really is just distracting from what it actually gives, which is a lot. So, it's a huge investment, & on all the levels, you're eager to invest in yourself every day. Beyond if you don't show up for yourself in all the time between sessions. The money is one small piece of the investment but it is also, a lot of value…Marin gives a lot.

 

Marin  

Thank you so much for sharing that. I was getting teary eyed, & what came to me, Annie, is just the thought was like 3, 5, 10 years from now. When you I look back on this moment like, I've no idea what it's going to be like, what we're going to know then that we don't know now, but I just got this sense of just as much turmoil & stress & like whatever else is going on --the sh!t as you keep referring to it as, like as much of that that's here, how gorgeous, like how stunning this period of life is for you. The wrestling & I am so honored that you chose me to be your guide for six months.

 

Annie  

Oh yeah, that’s another thing I learned to do in the sessions, was cry. I was like oh my god, I can cry. This is a really weird, hard time of life. So, it's like not only was this just like coaching package but this is like coaching in a really hard time for the world. Would I do it again? Yes.

 

Marin

Thank you so much for sharing, & being vulnerable with me today.